my body is my body


 I weighed myself for the first time since December and I’m only 8 pounds away from what I consider my comfortable weight, the weight I was when I went to Saipan.  It made me so happy, like one voice in my head said, it’s not so bad Mona, go ahead and make the buffet reservation and the other voice said, what buffet do you go to Mona where you make a reservation? You know you’re just going to the Chinese buffet where you walk in and they say, “Welcome back! We have all the crab legs you like so much! And we’ll refill the tray quickly this time so you don’t get mad!” And I have to pretend like I don’t know what they’re talking about, that there has been some sort of mistake because I am not a crab leg buffet lover and then all the voices in my head yell in thunderous unison: “YOU’RE A LYING LIAR, MONA!”

You know what, I’m okay with my body right now. I could be better, skinnier, leaner, stronger, yada yada yada, but I can also be what I am at this very moment and be totally fine with that.  It is what it is. I know I’ll always be on some sort of diet, some sort of new thing I can yell at the office break room because I lack attention. And of course, I could always be searching for a quick fix based on how much time I’ll need to transform! If I have a vacation in 90 days, I’ll buy the P90x DVDs, then not do them and then panic because suddenly the vacation is 21 days away and then I’ll buy the 21 Day Fix but then I won’t do that either and I’ll be searching for How to Look Skinny Instantly which will just be a package containing a selfie stick for a very long angled shot, Vaseline to cover the camera lens, and a lemon to suck on so the sour face will make my cheeks look so skinny! 

After I got on the scale, I bought some cheap prosecco and it really did feel like a celebration.


And now we are nine

Nathan turned nine years old.  NINE.  Which means I can make it about me and say that almost 10 years ago, I was pregnant with this big baby and now hulking child.  He’s really turned out nicely. He says things like, “Thank you, my beautiful mom,” and I respond because I am a terrible, untrusting person, “What do you want, now?” But despite my failings, he still hugs me and says, “You’ll always be in my heart. No one will ever replace you.”  Am I going somewhere?! Do you know something I don’t know? Gahhh!

We celebrated at the bowling alley and invited a few friends. I was worried that no one would come because it was a gorgeous weekend and gorgeous weekends in Seattle turn people into flakes. But people did come! And they brought gifts to feed Nathan’s latest obsession: Pokemon. Great! Another way to suck up all my money! Especially since most of the cards I buy for him are “weak” and he is only interested in cards that are “hecka strong.” I HAVE A CHILD WHO SAYS “HECKA STRONG”! Goodbye world, I am dead now.

TJ took part of the activities, too. Mostly coming to me when he needed another quarter for the games. Luckily, I know quarters the currency and the game (thanks, college!) so I was prepared.

Nathan loves bowling so this was a great way to spend the day–eating cake, playing games and celebrating my first born who made me a mom and constantly shares words that strike my heart every time.

Happy birthday, Nathan!

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