"You look like you have it together,"

is what my classmate today says to me. She and I were in my genius professor’s last quarter and I always thought she looked like an elementary school teacher – straight professional hair and a sweet air about her. So today we were grouped together and I talked about how much I had worked on my seminar paper that I had lost sleep. I told her about my nightmares in which I have not only woken up late for class but I’m on the other side of the country so there’s no way I can get to school. She nodded and agreed with me, but added, “You look like you have it together.” Not on the days I sleep in increments, I said.

We were both glad that we weren’t the only ones figuring out where on campus to take an undisturbed nap. I usually listen to my instrumental iPod playlist and doze off in some undisturbed library corner. When I wake up, my hand’s usually numb or there’s usually a block of red skin embossed on my face.

I don’t usually play up how difficult school can be, but it is sometimes. It’s physically exhausting. I have a huge 15-page paper due at the end of the month, not to mention midterms next week, and all of this looming over my head has made me jerk awake during the night. I go to sleep around 8 or 9 and wake up around 2 and start working… But the guilt I guess is just a byproduct of the way I’ve always been.

My YA Lit professor shares the same name of a Cleveland Browns draft pick. When he walked into class this morning, I said that I didn’t know he played football to which he answered, “I didn’t know that either.”

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