21 things

1. The best accent I can pull off is British.
2. My favorite drink is a Jack and Coke, preferrably neat.

3. People/Characters I can successfully imitate: my mother, Robin Leach, Napoleon Dynamite, Eric Cartman.
4. My parents were going to name me Misty for “mistake.” I prefer “afterthought.”
5. In my bedroom on Saipan, I could hear the cathedral bell ring on the hour.
6. When I was 15, I began my ambition to finish War and Peace. I have only read a sliver since.
7. When I give gifts, they are great and thoughtful.
8. I usually carry more books than I should.
9. I buy a lot of pink, but it’s usually an accident.
10. I am the youngest.
11. Because of #10, I am naturally defensive.
12. My mom had my fourth-grade school clothes tailored, but it was basically a one-piece overall-blouse combo in various fugly floral patterns.
13. I sometimes blame my mom for my lack of fashion/arts and crafts sense.
14. My mom would style my hair into two pony-tails. They would be pigtails had placed them on the sides of my head instead of placing them on top of each other so that the back of my head looked like a horse’s ass.
15. My sister, by contrast, is a genius with hair, but she’s also sadistic. She gave me a French braid that was so tight I had slanted eyes.

16. I watched Unsolved Mysteries with a gusto only tempered by the occassional panic that I would one day become of the cases.
17. I get carsick if I try to read anything more than directions.
18. I was featured as a random profile in the Chronicle of Higher Education back when I was young and didn’t know how many people fucking read the Chronicle so my profile reads that I have a (now ex-) boyfriend who’s a jerk and I’m waiting to write my great novel. I can just imagine how educators everywhere saw that and my fat face and laughed…
19. I know all the words to the theme of “Fresh Prince of Bel Air.”
20. My favorite book in the whole world is The Great Gatsby.
21. I am a bad liar.

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  1. Anonymous says:

    i can only do a slack-jawed country yokel but that’s after a few beers

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