Your Man Will Make Love to You More Often If You Have Sex With Him More Often

I’ve been rifling through old books and clothes, figuring out what I can sell for a garage sale my apartment complex is having in a few weeks. One thing I’ve noticed is that I have two self-help books I’ve yet to fully or thoroughly read. I’ve been highly suspicious of self-help methodology, because if I wanted to help myself, why would I need a book?

One is “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People,” given to me by my then-boyfriend who insisted I read it despite my joke title, “The 7 Habits of Effectively High People.” I never read past page 18, particularly because said-ex-boyfriend was 1) unemployed (and not actively seeking a job) and 2) I came home from school every day to find him either a) asleep or b) in a furious session of Half-Life/Counterstrike/Sim City. So I haven’t read all of the 7 habits, but I’m sure that aggressive jacking-off is not one of them.

The next one is, “Secrets About Men Every Woman Should Know” by Barbara DeAangelis, Ph.D. (more like playa-hating degree) What I hate about this is how she plays on stereotypical patriarchal roles and recommends women feed into them, i.e., men are superior and like blow jobs, so buy some knee pads, ladies. I just turned to page 182, where the fourth secret unraveled is: Your Man Will Make Love to You More Often If You Have Sex With Him More Often. I mean, I’m no math major, but shouldn’t equation be filed under “obvious”? More sex = more sex? What’s even more troubling is her insistence that all women “feminize” sex and want more cuddling, long kisses, and of course, talking about feelings in bed. Men on the other hand, prefer a more jack-rabbit approach, seeking spontaneity, physical passion and playful, lustful sex. I disagree, Barbara DeAngelis. Not every woman wants to wrap herself around her partner in a post-coital jenga-tight leg grip. I usually end my hot, sweaty jungle sex by jumping out of bed in a chinese-get-up move, blaring gleefully, “NOW, WHO WANTS A SANDWICH!?!”

I think these will be in the “free box.”

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  1. I’ll take a turkey on rye please

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