So last night while I stood in line at JC Penney to pay off my bill (because this shitty company doesn’t accept payments over the phone and will only post your payment online thirty days after you make it), I watched a teenager pull out an envelope to pay for her South Pole jacket. She counted out the bills and realized that she was short three cents, so she began rifling frantically through her purse for pennies. She kept looking in her bag and then looking around her, laughing nervously and saying, “My sister’s somewhere around here…” I knew she wasn’t going to find anything in the bottom of her purse, so I slipped her a dollar. She thanked me profusely, paid for the item and then left. As I walked to my car, I saw her in the parking lot and realized, “That bitch stole my 97 cents!”
So I did what any good samaritan would do, I ran the girl over and bought the teenager a lesson in honesty.