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*I wish my stomach was huge and protruding. Maybe then I could get a seat on the bus. So I’ve taken to wearing maternity tops because it makes me look more pregnant than I am and I have to submit to them anyway.

*I got the most superficial email from my ex-boss. There was a short line hoping that I don’t have morning sickness (insert eye-rolling here) and the bulk of it telling me to do follow-up on a project that ended three months ago. I told her no. Why won’t she leave me alone? Some people don’t get it. This is the same woman who confused my boredom-on-the-job as signs I was in an abusive relationship. I mean, WTF?

*I wish I could attack people with glue-guns then blame it on my pregnancy hormones. That way, I could get the fucker in my class who badmouthed my creative writing professor and shrug and point to my belly.

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