I forget how it all happened, but somehow my mother insisted on being here for the first few weeks after the baby is born and I agreed. Big mistake. Last night, she told me, “Oh, I’ll teach you how to be clean.” What kind of messed up statement is that? Sure, the last time my mother was here, I was messy. I didn’t know how to cook anything that didn’t require me to pull it out of the microwave half-way and stir, or how to get stains out of fabric. And the time she was here before that, my ex had just moved out and he was worse than I was. I mean, he was a grown man who came into tube socks and then *left them lying around*. But it’s different now. I’m 23 and I cook chili and scrub the floors and get excited when I save 31 dollars at Albertsons. I have a husband who wears a bandana when he cleans!
But that doesn’t matter to her. This is the woman who bagged up all my thong underwear because according to her, “You’ll be cold!” Like I don’t wear anything other than that.
Well, now I do.