Random information about my mother

She cannot pronounce “cheddar.” To her, the “h” is silent. Mozart? No, it’s “Mochart.” Do you need to xerox that file? Well have fun “jeeroxing” it, my friend. She also cannot say “chamomile.” To her, it is a Mexican cocktail, pronounced “caa-mo-mee-lay!” Viva Mexico!

She does not use the word “lesbian.” She prefers the term, “tomboy.” She strongly dislikes calling one’s lady business a “vagina” and opts for the more carbohydrate-heavy “pancake.” That’s right, when she says “pancake” she’s not talking about flapjacks.

And my family wonders why I’ve always felt slightly uncomfortable at IHOP.

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