Things I was not doing the last time I wore these shoes

Farewell porn star shoes

1. Thinking about babies

2. Thinking about constipated babies

3. Shoving a glycerin suppository up the clenched, unyielding butt of a constipated baby

4. Hovering over a screaming, constipated baby, shouting, “You can poo Nathan! Come on, poo!”

5. Shoving said suppository back up baby’s butt after baby farts it out

6. Wiping my sweaty brow after said constipated baby with said unyielding, clenched butt deposits half his weight into two diapers and onto feces-free pair of non-maternity pants

7. Saying out loud, “Wouldn’t it totally rock if Journey’s ‘Don’t Stop Believing’ was the soundtrack to this scene?”

Sing it, Steve Perry. Sing it.

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  1. Awww, poor Nathan and mommy. I hope it gets better soon.

    I don’t think I’ve ever heard so much about constipation and suppositories as I heard today. This is the second time today I heard about constipation and suppositories.

  2. Oh, and those shoes rock! Go Mona!

    I doubt I could have even pulled ’em off when I was skinny.

  3. I am so glad that scene hasn’t happened at our house! So sad!

    Now where exactly did you wear those shoes?

  4. I’m glad it’s over too! It was so painful to watch him go through that.

    And I’ve had those shoes for six years and the last time I wore them was in 2000 when I watched that movie “Traffic.” Since then I’ve kept those seven-inch-heels in the back of my closet in hopes that by each Halloween, I’ll have the body for a “naughty stripper” or “naughty cop” or “naughty nurse.” But no, that’s never happened. This year, I’ll have the body to be the star of “Madea’s Family Reunion.”

  5. Mommy off the Record says:

    I’m TOTALLY going to have the song stuck in my head for the rest of the day….and any time I’m sticking a suppository up my kid’s butt. Thanks a LOT, Mona.


  6. Mona, I can’t believe you wore those shoes. Did they not hurt? No bunyons? You must have great, slim feet.

    As far as the constipation goes…I’m sorry about that. I can’t imagine sticking a suppository up my baby’s bum! Ouch!

  7. Saipan Chamoale says:

    It would actually interest me greatly to know what you were REALLY doing when you last wore those shoes. I don’t buy the movie line.

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