1. Thinking about babies
2. Thinking about constipated babies
3. Shoving a glycerin suppository up the clenched, unyielding butt of a constipated baby
4. Hovering over a screaming, constipated baby, shouting, “You can poo Nathan! Come on, poo!”
5. Shoving said suppository back up baby’s butt after baby farts it out
6. Wiping my sweaty brow after said constipated baby with said unyielding, clenched butt deposits half his weight into two diapers and onto feces-free pair of non-maternity pants
7. Saying out loud, “Wouldn’t it totally rock if Journey’s ‘Don’t Stop Believing’ was the soundtrack to this scene?”
Sing it, Steve Perry. Sing it.