One step forward, four months back

Nathan’s been really fussy with feedings this week. He does not like the bottle. He has to be breastfed. When I try to pry his mouth open, he bats at the bottle and screams something I believe means, “THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE HIGHLANDER!”

During lunch with my mother at PCC:

Mom: Wow, I really like this dessert!

Me: What did you get?

Mom: The apple crips.

Me: The apple crips?

Mom: Yeah, the apple crips.

Me: You mean the apple crisp? What? Is there some kind of pastry gang war going on? Are we to watch out for the peach bloods?

Let’s just say we’re baby-sitting. Little Antonio is staying at our place for a little bit. I don’t want to go into why this is all happening, only that it is and this is the best solution for now. But it is hell. It’s unreal to think that there’s a four-month-old and a four-day-old in my small hovel. It’s only day two and I’ve forgotten the bruising misery of caring for a newborn. I’ve grown accustomed to my heavy, nugget of a baby. With Nathan, he’s husky and durable (wow, he sounds like work boots or camping gear). Warning: CPS-worthy statement coming up and not at all something I would do. I can plop Nathan on my lap or lift him towards the ceiling. I have to treat Antonio like a Faberge egg, whereas Nathan can take a hit.

When Antonio cries, I rush to the crib and try to soothe him before Nathan decides it’s a perfect time to put on his one-act play, “Bloody-Hell Screaming,” as peformed by Sir Nathan McBiteaboob and the There-Can-Only-Be-One-Highlander Players. When Nathan cries, I have to shove a boob in his mouth before he wakes up Antonio and I’m caught in the ninth circle of hell.

If Jar-Jar Binks were to narrate this episode, he would say, “Pleasure this is not. Birth control this is. Jack Daniels please send.”

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  1. Oh, sounds terrible. But I had to laugh at your Jar-jar Binks. I think that’s the first time ever I have laughed at anything about him :^)

  2. The Princess says:

    Oh yes, sounds like a great form of birth control!!

  3. (on refference from princess) That’s some good, cheap, birth control! Where can I get me some?? Actually I had a summer full with my niece. Love her to death, she’s so cute, but I don’t want one now, I understand the battle. There can only be one!

  4. LOVE YOUR SITE!!! Its just hilarious!!

  5. Mommy off the Record says:

    Oh boy, you have a newborn at home? That IS a great form of birth control. I suggest having an apple crip to make yourself feel better.

  6. Freckle Face Girl says:

    Saw the link on Princess & Johnsy. I commend you! I can’t imagine dealing with a 4 month old & a new one. You are a amazing!

  7. lmao. i love your humor!

  8. I am sorry you are having a rough time. I hope your sister is doing okay without her new one. That is rough on both of you.

  9. Wow, Mona. I’m glad you’re surviving it. I hope things get back to normal soon.

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