I admit that there are aspects of this bizarre world that will remain a mystery to me. Arena football. Why people love cilantro. Tom Skerritt. Tonight’s quandry is a twofer: Why doesn’t insurance cover the little phallic tube for my son’s inhaler and why in holy Hogwarts does it cost $45?
It’s made of plastic! There are bears! They’ve replaced humans in the instructions with bears! I want to visit this penis-pump-knock-off factory in China and tell the eight-year-old delicating painting the bears that it’s okay, not to bother because my son’s not going to play with it.
Teddy looks like he’s in the world’s cutest S&M session. I’m sure there’s another page missing in which Maynard asks Zed, “Where’s the gimp,” and Zed replies, “He’s sucking on an inhaler.”