Yesterday we took Nathan to the doctor’s because his cough has become our second child. It has demands like, “Humidify me!” or “Medicate me!” or “Put on America’s Next Top Model Cycle One!” But our first child still jumps and shrieks and has demands of his own but they are not as articulate. It sounds like, “Bah,” “Bgurgggh,” or my favorite, “Mamamamamamama.” The doc prescribed an inhaler with a baby face mask attached. She suggested that the two of us put it on him because babies don’t cooperate. Geez, I didn’t have to go to medical school to know that.

And though he’s not contagious, I think it’s too soon to take him out tonight. So no Halloween for us.

I have to use my porn star shoes for something

This is not my costume. This is my uniform now that Nathan’s cough has enslaved my ass. And yes, I’ll wear the heels, too.

My breasts look disproportionate, like the rack on Dog the Bounty Hunter’s wife. Have you seen that woman? How does she even walk upright? Damnit! That would have been an awesome costume. All I need is a ratty blond wig and a smoking addiction.

What are you doing tonight?

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  1. rachel a jazzercise instructor says:

    I’ve already worn my thong leotard twice so I think I’m gonna stay in and hand out candy…That is, if I don’t eat it all first.

  2. You can never wear your thong leotard too many times!

  3. rachel a jazzercise instructor says:

    next year I think I’m gonna be Cher from the Gypsies Tramps and Thieves days…I just need to find a short man to go as Sonny, which shouldn’t be hard since only short men are attracted to me.

    The thong leotard is going to be retired and only come out for *special* occassions in the bedroom. If that ever happens.

  4. we had a halloween that we had to miss. my daughter had a rash show up late in the afternoon that day and when I spoke with the nurse at our drs ofc she said “oooooooooo (very seriously), that sounds like the early stages of chicken pox.”

    Since we didn’t want the entire neighborhood to get it, we didn’t even let her come to the door, lest she give them an unexpected trick!

    Turns out it was just the new laundry detergent we used…

    Fortunately, she was 3 and a good sport!


  5. Mommy off the Record says:

    OMG, you are so funny. I HAVE seen that Dog Hunter lady’s boobs and I concur about their hugeness. They’re like a shelf. I’m pretty sure she can’t see her feet.

    Anyway, coincidentally, I have that exact same Halloween costume! And sometimes I feel like I’m in jail too!

    Hope Nathan feels better soon.

  6. anne nahm says:

    You can never wear your thong leotard too many times!

    hahahahahahahahha! Words of wisdom, I see.

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