Elect Mona as your state asshole!

Today, as you head to the polls to exercise your democratic right, why not vote me as Washington’s biggest asshole? Here are some reasons why:

1. I saw a former co-worker at the gym whom I haven’t seen him since I was unmarried and skinny (read: hawt!). Instead of stopping and chatting with him, I totally pretended I didn’t see him through the glass window. And of course he bellowed, “HI MONA!” once my fat Michelin-man back was turned and I was almost into the women’s locker room. So I spun around in a “Oh, what a surprise!” move and said, “Hiiii, how’s it going!” I should have said, “Since you last saw me, I got married and had a baby and exchanged my size 6 jeans for black track suits with elastic waistbands,” but I ended up mumbling something about having a babysitter and needing time for myself, mumble, mumble, mumble. Woman, thy name is asshole.

2. I am the only woman who does not like Rachel Ray. She’s too mouthy for me. I am not impressed by her “stoups” or “sammies.” I watched that Halloween episode where she made “Worms and Eyeballs” with chicken meatballs and noodles. She raved how kids would love it. No they won’t, Rachel Ray. As my Korean ESL student Hyo Kim would say, “Liar, liar, there is fire on your pants.” This is where you come in with, “Come on! How can you hate Rachel Ray?” If you’re an asshole, it’s quite easy.

3. I hate revolving doors because I’m afraid my butt will get caught and I’ll trap in some unsuspecting tourist who wasn’t prepared to be encased in glass thanks to Ms. Junk in the Trunk up front. I don’t know if that qualifies me as an asshole or not, but if you’re ever in a revolving door with me and we get stuck, you have permission to say, “Geez woman and your butt trap! You’re such an asshole!”

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Comments

  1. rachel a jewish asshole says:

    Yay for assholes! I hate Rachael Ray too! Dang, she is annoying as fuck. And I recently read a super boring interview with her where she was bitchy and stupid sounding. I will have to indentify where it came from so that you can read it too. I also am an asshole because I like to excersise my jewish “ethnicity” and pretend like people are being derogatory and discriminating. It’s really fun. And lastly, I just like to mind fuck with people and thus, I am a total asshole!

  2. We should have an asshole club. I want to be treasurer, that way I can collect everyone’s dues and spend it on myself. It’s not like anyone would be surprised because, hey, I’m an asshole!

  3. I don’t like rachael ray either, and it’s for no good reason at all. I think her boobs are too high on her chest, and for this I judge her harshly and refuse to watch her show. Let’s be assholes together, shall we?

  4. anne nahm says:

    I agree about Rachael Ray. I was seduced into buying one of her cook-books. But everything is kind of … greasy. And now, when she is all perky and explaining to me how to make something, I mutter, “oh stuff it, greaser”

    Which totally confuses my husband.

  5. rachel a jewish asshole says:

    Ok! But I’m a jew…shouldn’t I be in charge of the money??? Nah, you can do it, but I’m president cuz I’m the BOSS!

  6. rachel a jewish asshole says:

    Our slogan can be “I am an asshole, who are you supposed to be?”

  7. I can’t stand Rachel Ray!!! So glad that there are other women out there that feel the same.

    Way too perky and the idiot talk (“sammies”) gets on my last nerve.

  8. I MUST be an Asshole… I HATE Rachel Ray! I always have. The orgasms when she tastes her food is the kicker… GROSS ME OUT, Lady! GEEZ! That is the thing I hate most about her, I agree she is mouthy too… she has TOO much to say that isn’t that important… And lastly, yuck, I hate looking at her flat chested barrel body! Can we get a stylist for Ray Ray here!??? For pete’s sake she is on TV!

    …and have you heard her say “Mommy” and “Daddy” when she talks about her parents?

    Okay I will stop now.

  9. I’m not a big fan of Rachel Ray either. But sometimes, I still watch her. After Take Home Chef I just switch over to the Food Network and she’s on – I can’t help it if she’s on, I just can’t stay on TLC any longer, I CAN’T STAND While You Were Out!

Speak Your Mind

*

CommentLuv badge