Ah, good times

2006 has been a sweet and shattering year for me. In the grand tradition of end-of-the-year lists, here’s my favorite posts which coincidentally enough are the same ones that make my mother pray for me. If she asks, this blog is really an online forum for devout Catholics. Okay?

In an interminable and in no real order sort of way:

Mona’s guide to football

“Sir, this is not cutting the yellow wire. This is your son. I’ve done all of that, with one hand and a boob hanging out. So there.”

“I hope my cervix doesn’t have to do that.”

My son peruses the Ikea catalog

“…She said, “There, doesn’t it feel softer?” Yeah, like my fist is softer than my knee…

“You know Mona, you have to be very strict with your panty. You can’t just leave it lying around.”

The best halloween costume ever

“what they say about fatty-fatties and two-by-fours”

“So today I had a long talk with my last name. We took a walk on Alki and we laughed over memories, like how many times I’ve received credit card applications in Spanish…”

“I was too busy hating myself for wearing ridiculous, impratical, come-hither heels and praying that I would. not. fall. in front of 8,000 screaming lesbians…”

Futile positions to induce labor

More futile physical positions to induce labor

“She went all Adam Smith on me, sticking her invisible hand to my face, saying, ‘Talk to this!'”

“The Tell-Tale Diaper Bag”

oatmeal bath

“I don’t remember the book of “I’m Better Than You” being in the Bible.”

Farewell porn star shoes

“…I want the largest kotex you can find… And I don’t want anything with a frou-frou name like Serenity. I need something solid like Fort Knox. Do they sell Fort Knox?”

You and me both, bud

…the cashier can scan the receipt and announce, “You’ve saved forty dollars,” and I can say with much hand gestures and sports-arena-level enthusiasm, “You’re damn right I saved forty dollars! Who’s taking the Safeway now, sucka?

Nathan's reaction to organic brown rice cereal

“I bet you can’t run up to that truck, punch the guy inside and run back without getting hurt…”


I know more about what’s going on in Walnut Grove than what’s happening in Seattle.

Here’s a list of acts of brotherly love which I never reciprocated

This morning she vetoed my sweater because it’s too tight. Of course it’s too tight. I’m 38 weeks pregnant. Everything is too tight. You know what isn’t too tight? Bedsheets.

“…crazy people have phenomenal memories, but it’s about the cats they lost at the taxidermist and scratch tickets that were one number or coconut off from winning the big one…”

“I didn’t marry my husband for a passport. I married him so I could get his 2003 Nissan Altima which I’ve already named ‘The Silver Bullet.’ Duh.”

“At first, I thought, ‘Naton?’ But it makes sense because Nathan is half-white, half-rastafari.”

Nathan wants a dog

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Comments

  1. Yay! It is a Mona-thon! I’m over here doing that dance that would make my mom say, “Annie, do you have to go pee-pee?” If she were here. Thanks for the link hook up.

  2. Ane, Um… by ‘business’, Blogger meant me.

  3. the p.i.c. says:

    Pretend Mona voice:

    “yeah, so this is like me being all smart and funny and stuff…”

    smiles

    jesus is lord

  4. How did you get into my head Angelo? What kind of demon magic are you wielding?

  5. the p.i.c. says:

    Thought you might be interested in the TSA rules for carrying breast milk onto a plane:

    http://www.tsa.gov/travelers/airtravel/prohibited/permitted-prohibited-items.shtm

    My favorite part:

    1. Separate these items from the liquids, gels, and aerosols in your quart-size and zip-top bag.
    2. Declare you have the items to one of our Security Officers at the security checkpoint.
    3. Present these items for additional inspection once reaching the X-ray. These items are subject to additional screening.

    Will thousands of breast feeding women start flashing TSA officials?

  6. When I went through security, the TSA agents had no interest in my chest. NONE. What gives?

  7. anne nahm says:

    Hey Mona,

    I hope you don’t mind – I confessed a girly crush on you to So Close:

    This one is very funny:

    http://www.kirida.com/index.html

    Here is a round-up of what she has been doing this year:

    http://www.kirida.com/2006/12/ah-good-times.html

    I did it here:

    http://www.tertia.org/so_close/2007/01/so_who_floats_y.html

    And I would have sent this private ly, but could not locate your email.

    :^)

    Anne

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