In which many will unsubscribe

So I’m changing Nathan at my sister’s house and my five-year-old nephew comes up and says, “Why is his ching-ching so small?” Only, the sentence is so odd that it booms through the room and all the adults pause, including me. As I’m repeating, “Why is his ching-ching so small?” like I’m begging my sister to save me from explaining to the child what a circumcision is, Mike chimes in, “Because he’s half-white!”

I feel uncomfortable about coming to my son’s defense, but what would Nathan want me to say? No, it’s not small, it just retracts, like a poked sea anemone. Nathan’s all about marine life! Don’t you care about marine life?!?

Tangent: ching-ching is Chamorro slang for penis. (So we I giggle when I hear the onomatopoeia for cash: chi-ching!) And FYI, when we say bebe (pronounced beh-beh), we’re talking about a lady’s vertical taco, not the overpriced clothing store.

Nathan’s Leapfrog Discovery Ball is so low on battery, the lights cut out and the female voice is garbled. There is nothing really to say about that, other than it has become less educational and more like it came out of Satan’s workshop.

I usually refrain from writing about Nathan’s bodily functions because it’s gross and it isolates the readers who do not have children or don’t care to read about what goes on south of the border. But today… I have to tell you, his poop looked like clay and I immediately thought, “If Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze had used this in Ghost, it would be an entirely different movie.”

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Comments

  1. Anonymous says:

    ??????????
    His chi-ching or ker-ching or ching ching or ting tong or tingaling or dingaling (I prefer the latter) or whatever you want to call it, is SO small because he’s like… 7 months old!!!
    Mikes answer rocks nonetheless. If only all men could be so self depreciating.

    Bumble xx

    Ps; Rest-au-rant ;o)

  2. anne nahm says:

    bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha

    You can always have fun with that sort of thing: “really? Small? Well, you should see the size of his butt hole.”

    Because the winner is the one who can keep a straight face.

  3. Anonymous says:

    Unsubscribe? You must be JOKING!

  4. Thanks, Bumble. I know how to spell it now.

    Anne, I am jacking that line.

    Thanks OTJ!

  5. Mama's Moon says:

    Hi there – just found you via OTJ, and I’ve just gotta say, “You’re hilarious!”. No way will I unsubscribe! I just got here, and I’m gonna make myself comfy!

  6. Anonymous says:

    Very funny!

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