big fat lie

I once dated a pathological liar and for years after we broke up, I was pissed at the time I wasted with a guy who claimed to be a quasi-famous Northwest artist, a college graduate and also promised me a website (which never came into fruition). But maybe I should have focused my energies on learning about lying instead of wishing I had burned his Magic the Gathering card collection.

I have never been a good liar. When I do try to embellish or fabricate scenes to make myself look fabulous, the words feel heavy in my mouth, like I’m spitting out marbles. Yesterday at the gym, Nathan and I were in the women’s locker room. We had finished our swimming for the day. The very svelte brunette next to me had an infant carrier at her feet, her baby girl nestled inside.

“Oh you have a new baby!” I said. Any baby who can still fit into an infant carrier and is not an seasoned 27-lb enormity like Nathan is to me still new.

“Yeah…” her voice trailed off. “She’s four months now.”

“Four months?” This woman looked like she could be my “after” picture. Her legs were so small, in my “Mona was such a fatty” campaign, I’d imagine she would stand in my jeans, her whole body fitting into one of my pant legs and she’d stretch the blanket of denim out to her right.

“You look great!” I added.

“Yeah, it’s really hard to lose weight.”

“You’re telling me.” She didn’t have to tell me really. I was still standing in my one-piece Costco bathing suit, my flubs weren’t exactly incognito.

“It’s especially hard when you have two kids. I have another girl at home.” She then looked at Nathan and said, “Do you only have one?”

And this was the moment I should have used the year with Mr. Pants on Fire to generate something other than, “Yeah, he’s my only one.” After she left, all the right answers came to mind like, “Yeah, but he was 27 pounds when he was born,” or “No, I have six more at home.” Because I tell you, I have an okay body for the mother of one, but a banging set of legs for a mother of seven.

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  1. Oh, The Joys says:

    The women who were skinny to begin with, then gained only 20 pounds during pregnancy confound me.

  2. thecandyqueen says:

    Don’t feel bad. Have you ever noticed that there are anorexics that go to that gym??? I can’t believe they let those people have gym memberships. Not to say that this woman was anorexic. I’m just saying…I’ve seen them there. That gym is weird. And p.s. I haven’t been to the gym in a month due to my traveling and illness. Last week I was in a car accident and can’t work out for a little while due to my back. I was doing so good too šŸ™

  3. anne nahm says:

    Probably got skinny running away from all the other mothers lining up to kick her in the ass for her commentary.

  4. Heh. Funny… For the first time last night I followed my two skinny, fit friends to a spinning class. I was kind of reluctant to go because I’m sooo not in shape, and I didn’t want to humilate myself for obvious reasons. Anyway, I sucked it up, and went… It wasn’t that bad, but I was kind of annoyed because my one friend was yakking away about how she “…shaved off two minutes off her two mile run…” and how her krav maga (an Israeli self defense class) made her abs sore. There I was standing next to her, feeling fatter than I have ever felt…EVER. I know I should do something about it, but still…I think there should be a law passed on behalf of all the fat women of the world: A SKINNY WOMAN SHOULD NEVER TALK ABOUT HOW FAT OR FIT SHE IS IN FRONT OF A FAT WOMAN!

  5. Anonymous says:

    I work out because it makes me feel good. I’ll never be “skinny” but that’s something I have learned to accept (still working on that, actually). So working out helps me learn to love my body (cheesy!). That helps with confidence, and self-esteem, which, in turn, helps me through work and my personal life. It is hard to start a workout routine, but once it becomes a part of your life– it can feel so good!

  6. Gina - Liam's Mom says:

    I hate those moments of clarity when it’s just a second too late! Dang!

    You are a good lookin’ woman even if you hadn’t had any kids yet. It was a full year after I gave birth until I could fit into my original clothes again. And then as the breastfeeding dwindled… the weight started coming right back. The joys of being a woman… the men can do whatever and still remain tight!

  7. After I have this baby I want to join Curves. I’ve been too fat for too long – and I’m only getting bigger. But the reality is that I’ll have a toddler and an infant and I work full time so I really love my time at home with my kids (daughter for now). So I’m going to try my darnedest to pack them both into the car after work and head down to the park and take them walking/tricycling.

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