our house hunt: something bigger than a bread box

We met with the mortgage broker the other day. We brought Nathan along with us and I pulled out these cute Japanese books I bought at Daiso. The broker’s assistant took note of this and asked, “Oh, so are you going to teach him Japanese?”

Daiso books

I shook my head. “No, I just like the pictures. They’re cute!”

Her face deflated at this. As trashy as I felt, I should have pushed it a little more by saying that the best honey mustard I’ve ever had was at Denny’s and sometimes I want to call them up and ask them what their “secret recipe” is. And the first time I ever dropped a chip in front of someone else, he said, “It’s okay, there’s the five second rule,” and I answered, “There’s a rule for that? I was going to eat it anyway!”

Luckily my idiocy had no adverse effect. Our loan gives us a housing option other than the airport tarmac. I thought that since Mike is an older, white male, the bank would just throw money at him, like that skit on SNL when Eddie Murphy went undercover as a white man. That didn’t happen.

I was worried that we would have to tell our realtor that we’re too poor for a real home and with that information (I didn’t find any MLS listings for quonset huts or cardboard forts), she’d call us later, saying, “Okay Mike and Mona. I found you a place. Are you ready? The bad news is that it’s a cave, but the good news is that there’s tons of storage! You can have a fireplace anywhere!”

A mortgage means in addition to my job, I’ll have to hustle on the side. I am filled with ideas. I could go to mommy and me get-togethers dressed in a trench coat lined with designer binkies and bottles of hooch. Maybe I could make cute bottles shaped like teddy bears. Who wouldn’t want to drink Bailey’s out of a bear?

Or, I could always peddle those Japanese books as manuals for the secret Asian alternative to Weight Watchers.


You can eat all the monkeys and watermelon you want.

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  1. I totally love those books. I want to buy some and make up my own stories about monkeys and watermelon.

  2. Swistle says:

    I remember when we were househunting, we got pre-approved for a loan that seemed nice and big to me, enough to keep us in debt until we were too old to remember what we’d bought. Then we started seeing the houses that were available for that amount. Oh my god. The same size as our apartment, but with appliances that were 40 years older, and with our choice of (a) water damage or (b) smoke damage.

    (We chose smoke damage.)

  3. Butrfly4404 says:

    At least you KNOW you can’t afford it! Haha…we didn’t realize that until we’d been living in the house for two months!! Finally, a year and a half later, I’ve managed to organize the bills so I can actually pay them all (And with that, I’d like to issue a public THANK YOU to my gas company for not shutting us off all those months!!).

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