a cheap, dirty mess

Not everyone was happy that I got pregnant.

A few weeks after Mike and I found out we were having a baby, I agreed to go to brunch with my former co-workers and ex-boss. One of them noticed I was wearing a wedding band and asked if I had gotten married to which I said yes and added, “And I’m having a baby!”

Even though these women were phenomenal at transforming communities and helping immigrant families, they wallowed in the requisite office gossip, especially when it was aimed at me. Take for example the Christmas party when Mike and I arrived late and left early. They took this to mean that Mike and I were in an abusive relationship because all older man/younger woman relationships are abusive! Women in their 20s don’t have minds of their own; they don’t gain wisdom until menopause! And when another one told me that my “lack of typing” was a sign of Mike controlling me, well, chalk that up to domestic violence, not employee boredom!

And upon my sharing that I was with child, they said they would rather throw themselves down the stairs multiple times than be pregnant. Well, only one woman said that, but it was the general consensus that I was doing a pretty stupid thing by becoming pregnant so young. But there wasn’t anyone at that table who said congratulations or mazel tov, and I was pretty pissed at the memory of their frowning, barren faces.

And now, over a year later, Nathan’s awesomeness (and my new job’s completely career-nurturing, family-friendly environment) has dissipated whatever disdain I had for those women. And even though I’m sure there was much fanfare over how big of a mistake I was making and how my stint at motherhood would be disastrous, I’m probably just as bad as they were since this is just my side of a dirty mess.

I’m going to a baby shower today where there will be a sure sighting of my ex-boss. But I’m not worried about seeing her since there’s no better way to play oneupmanship than having youth, an Elton-John singing son and a sweet life. What has furrowed my brow is that the gal having the baby shower has told me that she does not want to have a “Target baby,” because Target is cheap. Well, someone file that under “o” for OBVIOUS. Of course, Target’s cheap. That’s why I shop there.

Worse than that, this negates the parenting/consumer philosophy I was going to scrawl in the card, “Get it for free, buy it used, or buy it at Target.”

I’ll guess I’ll have to go with the wise unsolicited advice I received at the grocery store, “Watch your baby.”

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  1. aeronwen says:

    Well, she’ll learn quickly then the HARD way!
    People like that crack me up.

  2. I’m genuinely surprised to hear that attitude about Target. I think of Target as a good place to buy good things. “A Target baby”? I don’t even know what that means. It sounds so derogatory, but I can’t see how it could be.

    But perhaps that wasn’t the focal point of your post. Those women were awful.

  3. thecandyqueen says:

    People who are so judgemental are not spiritually connected people. All they do is contaminate positive energy fields. You should never feel defensive, you should just feel sorry for them. They just don’t get it. That is my spiritual guidance via Dr. Wayne Dyer.

  4. thordora says:

    ugh. I hate nasty people like that. Even when I haven’t been sure if the pregnancy was a good thing for the person, I’m always excited for them.

    Horrible. Ick.

    And as a Canadian, I heart Target! You can buy me stuff at Target anytime!

  5. Anyone who responds to the news of a pregnancy with a line like that should throw herself down the stairs. I’m thinking…the Spanish steps. While a posse of 500 Hells Angels rides their hogs up the steps in her direction.

  6. Anonymous says:

    I, who never wants to be pregnant, would have been the loudest one-person cheering section for you at that table, Mona. How presumptuous of those pompous asses to dare even think they knew what was going on in your relationship and marriage! I would have thanked them all right there for their lack of faith and support and left the gathering. But, as you said, the best revenge is living well. And exactly how did you find out this was the word going around the office about you and Mike? That sounds like a great blog post to read. Did you blog it already or can you do that for us now? I would love to read about your being told or overhearing it and how you handled it.


  7. You go girl, take your adorable son and flaunt your 20 something self! Don’t forget to give your ex boss the Chamorro atan gaga now. I have four kids and everytime I got pregnant people would ask if it was an accident. People still make comments like, “that’s what you get for having so many kids” or “how do you remember all their names?”. Mommydom is a different world for sure, but complete with magic of it’s own that no one who never ventured into it could understand. And, I love Target! Give me 20 minutes in the dollar section and I’ve just made lots of people happy (including myself).

  8. Butrfly4404 says:

    You’re a much better person than I. I’m sure I would still be holding on to that. You’re lucky to have such a great job!

    About the Target baby – Wait until her expensive diapers run out a few too many times…her $130 onsie gets covered in diahhrea…milk gets unknowingly spilled into the depths of her outrageously priced stroller – to be found only after the stench arrives…she’ll learn!!

  9. youngmama says:

    Gee, when I encounter people like that I think of lines from a song by Coolio: “I’ll see you when you get there, if you ever get there…”. Seems like those women will never “get there”. Furthermore, the behavior exhibited by these women gives insight in to the, “Do we, in the US, really value children?” question. We say we do, but in reality our actions tend to show otherwise.

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