We have about three weeks before we close and we can start moving out of our hovel here at Crackhouse & Where’s-My-Money-Woman-I’ll-Cut-You.
We drive by our new place every day, sometimes two or three times. I wish I could go in there now to measure windows and cabinets. But really I just want to sit on the clean hardwood floor and call it mine, mine, mine.
We’re not going to give our official notice until next month on the 20-day deadline. I guess it would be nice to let them know that we’re on our way out but I need to stick it to The Man. The Man who owns these apartments along with several other complexes in Washington also collects vintage cars and has opened up a winery in the Eastern part of the state.
I need to stick it to him because thanks to my years of stuffing money into his pockets, he has a bottle of Merlot with his name on it. Also, his money-hungry minions OK’d the removal of the large recycling dumpster and so now you have to empty your garbage at one end of the complex and drive to the other end to unload your recyclables. And who’s going to do that?
And as liberating as our upcoming home ownership will be, I’m dreading this long torturous ordeal of moving. I spent this weekend filling up our living room with boxes I procured from craigslist scavaging thinking that their cardboard presence would motivate me into expediting the process. But no, my laziness prevailed. Once again, you have defeated me, Insatiable-Need-to-Watch-VH1-repeats! You slay me! I am too weak against the forces that bind me to Hollywood’s Hottest Hookups 2!
The weekend manager also caught me in the parking lot lugging boxes and said, “Hey, are you moving?”
And what was my grand, college-educated, Phi Beta Kappa answer? “No! I just…love…boxes…the shape…its boxy essence…” Well, it didn’t sink down to that level of stupidity, but I’m not going to include the anecdote in the alumni updates. I offered a mumbled errm, no, um, and yeah-look-over-there-something-shiny before continuing to transform my living room into a depository for the largest fort ever.
Did you know Home Depot sold playpens? Yeah, I didn’t either.