I guess this is what they mean when they say there are a lot of boobs in Washington

I’m tired of breastfeeding, but Nathan is not tired of being breastfed. I sent him a memo with “I WANT MY BODY BACK” as the subject, but it’s useless because he can’t read. And he doesn’t get it that when my back is turned, I’m trying to go to sleep and yet, he still tries to mouth my back. Dude, you’re better off milking a turnip.

And is it selfish that I really want to stop breastfeeding because I want to loose weight like a normal human being? I tell myself that it’s the breastfeeding not the ice cream that has kept those five extra pounds, okay ten pounds, GEEZ! ENOUGH! 20 POUNDS! THERE! HAPPY NOW? Do you want my immortal soul, too!?! That’s about six pounds right there.

But more than my fear that I’ll never shake what my mama gave me is the nagging question, what if Nathan never stops breastfeeding like that Chinese kid in The Last Emperor? I still shudder at that scene with a 10-year-old and all his teeth, working those double whammies and now when I look at my son I wonder if I could fight off Communism just armed with Cheerios.


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  1. Anonymous says:

    We’re still bf’ing over here at 13 months. I don’t think Harrison will ever want to stop. His latest thing is to nurse on one side while diddling the other nip with his fingers. Nice, huh? He tries to pull my bra aside and giggles if I say boobies. Great. I do want my body back too one day but for now…

  2. Oh whatever, Anonymous. You don’t even look like you’ve had a baby.

    I still look like I’m in my first trimester.

    And Nathan pulls at my nipples and tries to shake my boob like it’s a bell. Yay.

  3. Oh, The Joys says:

    My milk just DRIED UP with both of my kids at the six month mark. I don’t have any answers, but I’m howling with laughter as usual.

  4. Butrfly4404 says:

    Wait a second…I thought nursing HELPED you lose weight!?

    Hmmm…now I’m thinking they were lying to me.

    I tell myself it’s not the ice cream, too, but I have nothing else to blame. šŸ™

  5. Seattle Mamacita says:

    they never get the memos do they?
    I love your reference to the scene from the Last Emperor cracked me up

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