So can I tell you something I did in my new home and you, my internet peeps, in turn tell me that I’m not a complete idiot even though after you read this you will harr-harr at the computer screen at what a big floppy cheap idiot I am?
Deal? Good. That’s why I love you, internet peeps.
Before we closed, the developer walked through the property with us and showed us the inner workings of our new home like where the water main was, the gas line, the extra paint cans for touch-ups, etc. He also showed us how to work the gas fireplace and from that five-minute how-to, I felt pretty damn comfortable that on first day of home ownership, I turned off the pilot light. My reasoning: 1) that must be a lot of money to run that little blue flame, 2) I do not want to pay for that little blue flame, 3) I was in the Gifted & Talented Class in the third grade, of course I can totally handle this! Also somewhere in there, I could only think of the eternal flame at the Kennedy Memorial. I respect you, JFK, but I wouldn’t want that gas bill. If I were in charge of that, I’d have one of those guards hold out a Bic lighter and maybe sing a few bars from Pink Floyds’ “Wish You Were Here.”
But back to my idiocy–sure enough, it was easy to remove the plate protecting the fireplaces various wires and tubes from clueless people (read: me!). And when I turned the knob from PILOT to OFF, the blue flame went poof! And I congratulated myself of being handy and frugal. Now we can throw that $3 in gas savings toward the mortgage! You’re a genius, Mona!
And while the voices in my head were ensconced in a self-congratulatory circle jerk, Mike squashed the hoopla when he said, “Uh, I don’t think you’re supposed to turn it off. Can you turn it back on?”
In the same I’m-so-smart-gusto, I kneeled down, lifted the plate off, pressed the knob down and clicked. And clicked. And clicked. Nothing. No blue flame poof.
“Just give me a minute!” I snapped as Mike raised his brow. More clickety-clicking.
“You know, honey, maybe you should consult me the next time you’re going to do something to the house we haven’t even owned for 24 HOURS yet!”
And after an embarrassing call to our agent who called the developer,
we’ll I’ll get another lesson in how to properly handle little things like a gas line, open flame, and potential explosions.