I did it. I went to the NBC Stand-Up for Diversity audition and performed my one minute set in front of a room of people who were not my friends, family or people I have birthed. I arrived at the Comedy Underground around 8:45 and found a small line formed in front. I waited for about an hour during which I met Xung Lam, the day’s funniest performer who shared that he had only started three months prior. He encouraged me to check out some of the open mic nights to get more experience.
We filled out applications, had our portraits taken and were ushered downstairs where we would perform our minute-long set in front of EVERYONE (!). I sat down and tried to remember my set which I had edited down to two jokes. One was about my ass blocking out cellular signal and also the burn victim joke, which goes like this:
“So the other day I saw this burn victim and he looked like he had been in a massive fire. He had only one ear and on that ear was a cell phone. I looked at this and thought, ‘This is perfect! Because he’d only have to say the line once: CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?‘ Or would it be, ‘CAN I HEAR YOU NOW? Good!”
And you know what I learned while I was on stage? That joke’s not funny. But how else would I have known unless I tried it out? And as nervous as I was and funny and unfunny my act turned out to be, I was glad to have auditioned. There were so many points when I could have faked an emergency or woken up late on purpose, not found parking on purpose. I loved how supportive everyone was, how after it was over you could hear congratulations, great set, great job.
And I’m sure you knew this already, but I was not one of the 10 people asked to return.
I have a feeling that Nathan also wants his time on stage. He asked me this morning to slap a band-aid over his belly button so he can audition for ABC Family’s newest spin-off: Nathan XY.