let’s pronounce "buffet" correctly, okay?

Yesterday, my brother and I took our families to Salty’s on Alki to meet our cousin John. We have not seen him in 20 years. And what better way to reunite families than visit the best brunch buffet in West Seattle?

I am not a casual buffet diner, especially when it’s 30 bucks a head. All this week, I have been in buffet-training mode, meaning every day I have worked to expand my stomach so I could fill it up properly with seafood goodness. When I wasn’t gorging on day-old bread (which, I’m not sure if it’s a competitive eating tactic, but hell, it’s cheaper than made-on-this-day bread), I was emptying packets of Fleischmann’s Yeast into my belly. And right before we headed over to Salty’s, I swallowed a balloon.

I am also very strategic with my buffet choices. I do not eat foods that I could make, microwave or toast at home. Forget waffles, biscuits, and scones with your deceptive carbohydrates, I’m all about the smoked salmon, shrimp ceviche, and chocolate fountain. I almost wrote chocolate foundation and if you have built your house on chocolate, I’m headed over right now, my new BFF.

But I couldn’t execute all my buffet plans because Nathan would not remain seated in the highchair. Lately, he begins his descent into toddler hell by screaming, “THEY’RE KIDNAPPING ME!” whenever one of us holds him. And suddenly, taking my son outside turns me into one of those kung-fu movie kidnappers with everyone watching me snatch a Caucasian child from his real parents.

But the best part about paying $306 for brunch was that it afforded us an empty parking lot for Nathan. And even though every tenth step he ate the pavement, he continued to run, unfettered and free.


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  1. We had dinner there 2 months ago, and I’m proud to say I made a pig of myself… “WEEE!”

  2. So funny. Also, thanks for the reminder that I need not visit any expensive buffets until my toddler has outgrown her whine from hell stage.

    The picture is amazing. He is so cute–hopefully that made up for all the uneaten shrimp.

  3. Hee! to snatching a Caucasian child from his real parents. This is like how BR feels when some affirmative action team chooses his resume based on the header of “Jose Hispaniclastname” and then he walks in, just some regular WHITE DUDE.

  4. take it out of his allowance when he’s older…hehe

    haha my mom always felt like the caucasian taking the mexican’s baby (though i’m not mexican, i just look like i am)

  5. Butrfly4404 says:

    If I told you about my chocolate foundation then you’d eat it and my graham cracker walls would crumble to the ground. Frosting doesn’t hold up on its own, you know!

    I like your strategy. I tend to be that way when I go out to eat anywhere, but it’s especially important to remember at a buffet.

  6. thecandyqueen says:

    that brunch is the most extravagent thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life. The dessert table is my paradise. It made me feel guilty for being American.

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