bad daughter

My mother is not speaking to me.

She bought a sewing machine back from a small store in September and set up a payment plan. She sent in the final payment and wanted me to call and ask the store to calculate the shipping.

Unfortunately, she asked me on the day I had a huge banquet to orchestrate. I was frantically rushing and overseeing caterers, florists, deliveries, band members and I had absolutely no time to make a call she could have made herself. But instead of telling her this, (and possibly angering her to the point where she would get on the next plane just to smack me upside the head) I agreed.

I called the next day but found out that she had already placed the call. I left my number with them and said that I would pay for the shipping once they receive her last payment.

In short, I was screwed.

With my mother, there is a five minute window to complete the task at hand. I have five minutes after she has asked and also, five minutes before she has asked because as the youngest daughter, I have to have psychic abilities. If she has to ask, I am already too late. Also, if I suggest that maybe her grown son who also lives in this state and is more than capable of satisfying her request could do it, she’ll say, “I asked YOU to do it.”

When I called my mother to tell her that I was paying the shipping, she cut me off and said, “Why don’t you like to obey me!”

As if I like to disobey her because that’s where a woman with full-time job, mortgage, child gets pleasure–from disobeying her mother.

And she went on about how I should have just done it, regardless that I was busy with my job and other duties. When I told her that hey, she doesn’t have to pay for shipping, she said bluntly, “Okay. Have a nice day.”

I love my mother. I do. She is a sweet woman who babysat our son, took care of me after I gave birth, raised me on her own after my father died.

But sometimes, I wonder about other mother-daughter relationships and if they’re cheery and balanced. If other mothers make their daughters try on clothes *outside* of the dressing room because, “No one’s looking!” If other mothers force half-slips on their daughters even though half-slips are just another skirt! If other mothers tell their daughters not to speak because it is Good Friday.

If I knew math, I could calculate the ratio of shitty things to good things I’ll have to do to make up for this transgression. I’m thinking it’s 1:6. She still hasn’t gotten over the fact that I didn’t send her a monstrous flamingo area rug that she ordered and since they wouldn’t ship to Saipan, guess who was stuck with the shipping charges!

I actually did send it. A year later.

I think it’ll be safe to check in with her…maybe around Thanksgiving.

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  1. Type (little) a says:

    My mother thinks I am the designated picture printer. Even though I bought her a camera AND printer dock of her very own last christmas.

    She also gets mad at me that I haven’t cut my daughter’s hair yet.

    And that I don’t send enough “real” pictures to HER friends.

    At least she doesn’t want you to mail unglazed glazed KK’s to Saipan….

  2. bananafana says:

    I don’t know about anybody else but the relationships over here aren’t cheery and balanced. You’d think I’d get a little slack since I’m one of four girls but no – my mom works this stuff on all of us. maybe it’s something they tell you to when you leave the hospital with a girl. with a boy they just tell you to pad/tie everything down and buy earplugs

  3. are you sure we’re not sisters? i mean, i know you’re from saipan and i’m half black/half white…but seriously…your mother sounds a LOT like my mom…

  4. hello insomnia says:

    typelittlea: Mailing doughnuts across the Pacific? I don’t even want to plant that idea in her head.

    bananafana: Not cheery and balanced? You mean television has been lying to me all this time?

    biddy: You are my sister from another mother.

  5. My mom is totally different than how you described yours.

    But no “better”. Just a different brand of “drive you nuts”

    It would be great if she did not read my site, because HOO BOY would I have content.

    Sounds like your mom still sees you as her “baby”


  6. hello insomnia says:

    Angella: My mom doesn’t call me Mona, she says “neni,” which means baby in my native language. I love her, but she drives me nuts sometimes.

    And she doesn’t really know anything about this site.

  7. mamacita chilena says:

    ooof, that doesn’t sound fun. fortunately I don’t have to deal with any crazy mom business. I am mostly stuck dealing with mil which might be even worse.

  8. Mrs. Blogoway says:

    I love it! The stories about your mom are the best.

    I like your new banner. Very cute.

  9. Chickenbells says:

    Oh dear…my mother asked what I was doing for Thanksgiving and I said, “spending it at the Airstream” (that’s code…for spending it with the boy…whom I haven’t introduced to anyone in my family…it’s been over 6 months since it all started with him) I told her I was excited to make pies…and drop the one I was making off for her…”oh no…I have this pumpkin one here to make this year…” Shoot…

  10. I’m the grown up in my family. I don’t know how they get dressed or eat, or drive cars without me. My mom told me when I left for college that she didn’t know how they were going to get by now that the only grown up in the house is gone.

  11. Ha ha! But she makes such excellent blog fodder! I love reading about your mom.

  12. Butrfly Garden says:

    My mom called me last week and asked me to volunteer The Man’s saturday afternoon to drive an hour and a half to pick up a piano she found on craig’s list. We were supposed to leave here at 11. At 10:00, the pipes under my sink exploded (AGAIN) and made a huge mess. The Man got frustrated (when he gets frustrated, he turns into a complete jackass and isn’t abusive by any means, but isn’t very nice) and I got upset. I called her at 11 to tell her we couldn’t make it on time and she hung up on me after telling me that with ALL she does for me, it would be nice if I could do ONE THING for her. And she’d just call my brother. But instead she completely cancelled the whole thing…didn’t even say, “Well, when CAN we do this?” Now…TM does everything he can to help out my mother. Usually as a result of a phone call that my brother won’t help, he’ll volunteer HIMSELF. But that doesn’t stop her from asking him to come over nearly every weekend to do something for her. At the time, I was just really upset that everyone was mad at me when I did nothing. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how shitty it was for her to pin all her problems on me and she was really the one who was wrong.

    Sorry. You probably didn’t care to hear all that. But there are times that I do things that are wrong and I know that I need to ‘make up’ for them. But then there are times I just need to leave her with her resentment. Because it’s HERS, not mine.

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