my hair minions

There are times during the day when my husband will call and instead of getting the requisite “Hi honey, how’s your day” check-in, I’ll hear, “Hey, guess where I found your hair today?” I don’t like this game since it’s not my fault that I shed so often. It’s not my fault that long after I visit your home, you’ll pull black strands from the carpet fibers. These quadrillion strands are not my minions nor do they collectively do my bidding.

If I did wield that kind of control, they would have gone back in time and taught Dog the Bounty Hunter a more racially tolerant vocabulary and the ability to shut the hell up. I’m really disappointed in Dog. Now where am I going to watch Pacific islanders on television? All I have is the Lilo and Stitch and that’s a cartoon. Of course, there’s LOST and I’m hoping that the polar bear isn’t really a polar bear, but the ghosts of native Hawaiians who demand either their land back or an answer as to why people who are stranded on an island aren’t more unattractive.

Back to my hair.

If my hair had any say in the decisions I have made, it would probably have said, “Girl, are streaks natural?” If my hair could speak, it would drop words like “Girl” and “Oh no you didn’t” because my hair would be part gay, part Rosie Perez.


Two weeks later:

hooker blonde

Hooker blonde!

And since you’ve been such great internet friends, let me share with you a picture of my 15-year-old goth-wannabe self:

age 15

Can’t you see the pain? The angst? The wet n’ wild lipstick?

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  1. Not The Mama says:

    I get the hair update calls too, and I can totally relate. If I could stop or reduce my shedding, I would. I don’t need any updates or guilt trips!

    Oh, and I love your highlights. So pretty.

  2. hello insomnia says:

    Thanks, that picture was from 2003. I haven’t done anything that extreme since.

  3. Mrs. Blogoway says:

    Did you ever see the Seinfeld where he talked about your hair being so luxerious, long, sexy… but when ONE strand falls out and is found, it becomes the most vile, disgusting item ever known to man?

  4. I should be bald by now. I shed like crazy too. So does my husband but I won’t say from where.

  5. I always tease my husband that he can never cheat on me because he is always covered in my hairs. We laugh about him claiming to be single with long red hairs falling out of his clothing.

  6. I am a shedder too.

    My lips feel dry even THINKING about Wet n Wild lipstick.

  7. Um, yeah in my house, I get the “guess how big the hairball in the shower drain is?” text message. It’s entertaining, oh yes indeed it is.

  8. la vie joie says:

    I can totally relate to the hair issue. My sister lived with us for 10 years so there was twice as much hair. Husband complains it’s everywhere. I can’t help it if I was blessed with tons of hair. I’m just as aware about my hair. I bought this purple brush from the container store that picks up hair from carpet. awesome!!!

  9. Butrfly Garden says:

    I used to torture the hell out my hair. I tried red streaks (not “redhead,” but RED…anyone remember the month those were cool, in like 2001??). I’m a brunette, so…that didn’t work well.

    I have found my own hair in the stangest places. Places you don’t want to know about. But also, intwined in my carpet. Wrapped around every filter in my vaccuum. It’s bad. At least I know I’m not pregnant, eh???

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