you wanna hear something scary?

does not pose a threat

The other night, Nathan crawled out of bed, jimmied the bedroom door open, climbed down the stairs and stood at the front door, pawing at the doorknob and crying until his shrieking triggered my maternal echolocation and I frantically raced to retrieve my son.

That kind of run-on sentence is normal now.

There are times when Nathan runs with a highlighter and I’m already a few steps ahead in the disaster, after my son’s tripped and the pen’s impaled in his skull and the doctors are telling us that on one hand, surgery is impossible, but on the other hand, when Nathan reads, he’ll be able to emphasize that it’s Green Eggs and Ham.

Nathan laughs harder with his father. He runs to Mike when he wants to tumble or snuggle or play quarters. That is a lie. Nathan’s way too young to be adept at quarters. They play dimes instead. It’s a better fit for Nathan’s small hands.

It doesn’t bother me that Nathan pulls at my shirt when he needs something, that he resorts to his mother if there’s a popsicle on the other side of the freezer door or a Dora sippy cup in need of a refill. When Nathan wants to laugh hysterically because Mike wants to play airplane and Nathan’s protruding belly’s the airplane, his father’s the man for the job.

I realize Mike and I have different roles in Nathan’s life. I am the nurturer, the comforter, the woman whose shirt sleeve will double as a snot rag.

The truth is, if Mike and I were Nathan’s budget, I’d be the rent and utilities and Mike would be the weekend in Vegas.

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  1. SISTAH GIRL!!!!
    Seriously that is frightening. I’ll never forget when CJ learned how to unlatch and open the exterior doors, and we found him outside. I think I aged several years that day… and we promptly went to Home Depot to buy and install way-high-up latches that the little bugger couldn’t get to. Ugh. CHILDREN.

  2. a happier girl says:

    The rent and utilities analogy is too funny! Mostly because I’m rent and utilities too. I’m paranoid about the outside doors too. We employ many childproof doorknob covers.

  3. Butrfly Garden says:

    I had to look at that picture for a second to figure out what it was.

    That is pretty scary. It freaks me out when kids are alone in the house at night (alone as in “only one awake”). But openeing doors, too?

    Don’t sell yourself short, Mona, you’d totally be the health insurance premiums, too.

  4. Rent and utilities versus weekend in Vegas is *the perfect* description!!!! I am rent and utilities, too. That’s alright, they can’t do without us, and deep deep down, they know it. (We’re also security blankets, but don’t tell them that!)

  5. My son has been climbing out of his crib … but no other Houdini moves yet. Scary!

  6. “A few steps ahead in the disaster” got audible laughter from me. I know EXACTLY what you mean. When putting groceries into the car, I’m imagining how well-stocked we’ll be when Cujo shows up.

  7. Chickenbells says:

    Oh cruds…I’m glad he didn’t get out the door (cause’ I’m worried he had the keys in his hand and was ready to drive off)

    Loved the rent and utilities…although, is it a little sad that I chuckled and then though oh. (in that tiny way we all have) when I realized that the same could be said for me in some of my relationships…which is well and good, but I want to be a weekend in the tropics (not Vegas…it always makes me sick…see? rent and utilities)

  8. Wow, he’s a little Houdini! I would have lost control of all my utilities if that happened in our house!

    I try to be Vegas for our daughter. But she doesn’t appreciate my nudity šŸ™

  9. Daddy is DA BOMB around here.

    I have come to terms with the fact.

    Besides, that leave me more time to, um, blog.


  10. I remember the first time McRae went to the door in the middle of the night — the next day I went to the hardware store and got those chain locks that go way up on the top of the door. Can you imagine a 2 year-old opening the front door?????


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