25 is the new 60

Sometime between Friday night and Saturday morning, I threw my neck out, which I didn’t even know was possible since I don’t even have an AARP card nor have I cut off all my hair and begun donning big wooden African jewelery. What’s next? THE CHANGE? Will I become one of those people who say things like THE CHANGE and Aunt Flo and va-jay-jay (seriously, stop. And non-Seattleites, stop thinking that there’s really a hospital called Seattle Grace).

But my neck and shoulder muscle cramps have made it pretty difficult to do anything other than creeking out, “I’m going to live with this misery forever!” When my husband suffers any ailment, he sincerely believes he is dying and I must rub his head and whisper, “You poor poor baby.”

When I’m sick, I believe that I am going to continue wallowing in this disabling pain and must be ferried to the ER where they will shelve all the heart attack patients, roommates who thought it was a good idea at the time to tape their penises together and stab victims in order to accommodate some lady who can’t even sit up to blog because she “slept funny.”

In non-Mona-whining-again news, I’m nominated for Metroblogging Seattle’s Blarch Badness! I plan to roll out my campaign strategy this week since I’m up against some pretty heavy contenders, contenders who don’t have a dark bottomless void where self-esteem and a moral compass should be. It’ll be like the real election only with bribes and without any promises for change!

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  1. I’m sorry, did I miss something? When did the elections not involve bribes, and when did the promise of anything mean anything on the old campaign trail? Hate to say it, darlin’, but your campaign with be just like their’s, only more successful, I would imagine.

  2. Chickenbells says:

    OH no! I hope the neck thang works out…I think you should have a massage (or will you be spending all of your bribe money on other things?)

  3. mrs. blogoway says:

    Congrats on the nomination, finally a candidate I can fully support.

    About your neck, I would drink more water and make sure there’s no draft in your bedroom. My Chiropractor recommends sleeping with a small towel rolled up under your neck to support it.

  4. thecandyqueen says:

    That’s nothing! I’ve thrown my neck out twice now. The first time I really have no idea how I did it, but the second time was a little different. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what I must have done, but then I remembered the drunken night before at Neighbours, showing my friends how I can do that 80’s video hair toss like Tawny Kitaen in the Whitesnake video…And they kept saying “do it again Rachel, do it again!” That was kind of embarrassing to explain to my chiropractor!

  5. !!! LOL !!!
    (a quote from the Blarch Badness page)

    Who the hell is Chris Pirillo, Kirida, or Eugene Cho? When you taking bets for the Final 4?

    Posted by: Dennis at January 31, 2008 07:34 PM

    How is the winner decided? If it has anything to do with the number of hits you receive on your page… I’ll put a paperweight under my F5 key to refresh about a million times a day. Good luck Mona…

    \m/ You Rock! \m/

  6. Wait till you turn 26!

  7. There is nothing worse than not being able to move your head. Except maybe not being able to move your arms, legs AND head. That would suck worse.

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