what’s in your wallet?

This is my obnoxious and bulky behemoth wallet. I can barely schelp it around in my purse. This massive all-encompassing-of-my-personal-information trove would only fit in the pocket of a flasher’s coat. Though, that might not make sense since wouldn’t flashers have to pack light? You know? To facilitate the flashing?

My wallet-trunk fits everything flimsy card I’ve ever owned. Aside from the usual debit and credit cards, I’ve packed in useless items like three versions of my driver’s license. It’s like a before, after, and way after photo montage! There are crumpled phone numbers, five different frequent-customer restaurant cards with about ten stars left before I can have a free drink at any of them, a year-old eyeglass prescription which I really needed at the time because I couldn’t see the television clearly and that’s what glasses are for: TV, my college ID card (and svelte college jawline, unlike my current post-doc dog jowels), movie ticket stubs, business cards of people whom I am sure are multi-millionares now, a library card I’m afraid to use because it took me two and a half weeks to return the last book and the next time I check something out, the library computer will belt out a Color Me Badd falsetto that sings, “Girl, you are so fineeed!”

So are you like me? Do you have a George Costanza wallet? Or are you one of those people who can function with a $10 bill, a driver’s license and a stick of gum which would be why my mom was right about you, my internet friend. You’re such a good influence!

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Comments

  1. Swistle says:

    Did I lose my comment? Yes, I think I DID lose it. Must be in my BURSTING WALLET.

  2. We are one in the same. I did it, Mona! I took the first step. Check out my blog.

  3. lauralaylin says:

    I clean my wallet out at least once a month. Since becoming a mother, I’ve become OCD on organization. It’s ripping me apart that I haven’t tackled my filing cabinet now that it’s 2008 and I can move some stuff out. I really want to take your wallet and organize it for you. Seriously. If I lived near you, I’d be offering my services for free just to get rid of the movie ticket stubs.

  4. I’m past the point of the George Costanza wallet. It exploded in my gigantic old lady purse and I’m too lazy to do anything about it. Even after my purse swallowed up the receipt the car wash guy needed in order to let me have my car back.

  5. Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah says:

    Mine looks a lot like yours.

  6. I can’t even BUTTON my wallet. It regularly bursts and barfs shit all over the inside of my purse. Ridiculous. One problem is that I keep like every coin I’ve ever gotten as change in there.

  7. Chickenbells says:

    Mine is about the same. I am constantly trying to clean it out and I can’t believe I need to shlep around all the crap that’s in it. Although I suppose 2 free passes to a bar here in town are silly seeing as I haven’t been to a bar in about a year…

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