With the all the different social networking sites available, I’m surprised that not many people of my past have established online identities, identities that allow me to anonymously trample through and discover what they’ve been doing since we parted ways. My google-fu has uncovered very little, save for the glittery myspace profile featuring the ex-boyfriend who added THREE INCHES to his height or a former debate partner who has an online album of funny yet vulgar t-shirts. I’m left to imagine that the rest of the lost classmates and former friends are living quietly as elementary school teachers or finance recruiters with healthy unblogged existences.

The only person I habitually google is Divine, the girl in junior high who threatened to lob off my jaw with her angry fists and invited her friends to join in. I was standing by a window, waiting for class to begin and looking down at the courtyard below. The popular eighth boy who dumped me had convinced her a few weeks prior that I had been talking smack and at that moment was flicking her off at the window.

She had gathered her female troop and waited by the stairs until my class let out. When I entered the semi-circle of girls with their fists clenched, eyes darting toward me. I don’t remember most of what Divine hurled at me, the sharp gestures and angry threats to beat my ass down because I had supposedly “called her a bitch,”–the requisite insult worthy to incite unnecessary catholic school violence. I remember her friends nodding and egging her on, and how she desperately she wanted to fight.

Our gym teacher entered right before she could lunge at me and told us to break it up. The crowd dispersed and I ran home before any of them could grab my hair. My mom pulled me out of that school, I finished seventh grade at the school I had attended the previous year.

I googled Divine again last night after hearing about six cheerleaders beating up another girl. The mean girl prototype of my junior high who scribbled on bathroom walls and desks has tumored into a tech-savvy kind of vicious. I believe that if that encounter happened today, it would be posted on youtube and myspace, allowing google cache to hermetically seal that young female vitriol.

I don’t harbor any anger toward Divine. I’m just curious–where is she now? Did she shed that angry exterior and blossom into a mature, balanced woman? Did she graduate from college? It’s strange that almost 13 years later, I want to know if the girl who almost jumped me is okay now.

So tell me, my internet friend, is there anyone you google?

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  1. Pickles & Dimes says:

    Only one: a guy I knew in high school that everyone else loved but I was ambivalent about. However, after graduation, I started dreaming about him quite frequently. So one day I googled him and found out he and his wife run a funeral home.

  2. Mayberry says:

    Who DON’T I google?!? I do it all the time. The other day through a random set of prompts and googles I came across the photo of a guy who was a total nerd in high school and is now H-O-T HOT. Plus he lives like 90 miles away from me (1000 miles from our high school).

    I’m dying to tell my one good friend from HS that I still keep in touch with, but she will consider me a complete stalker.

  3. I’ve had the same thoughts about people from my past – why isn’t there some sort of breadcrumb trail to you on the internet, crush from 11th grade chemistry? I mean, you google me, you get me, you know? But then my husband has zero presence (besides mention of him on my blog) on the internet, too.

    Besides the obvious classmates, I also google old crushes, former co-workers, current co-workers. That’s how I found out that my good friend from college (who I hadn’t spoken to since college) had moved to Seattle. I read her byline on a Seattle Times article! Now we hang out all the time.

  4. Oh! Also, I’m afraid to google the girl who used to bully me in junior high. That’s the hold she still has over me. Like, I want nothing to do with her, ever.

  5. annenahm says:

    I tried googling people a couple of times, but it always makes me feel kind of sad, guilty, and overstuffed. Much like eating anything from McDonalds. I guess my classmates were all McNuggets.

  6. I mostly Google ex-boyfriends. I never find anything juicy though. Bah.

  7. Googling someone can really open a can of worms. Of course, that’s why I do it.

    I have googled ex boyfriends and former schoolmates. Actually, I should go google that beyotch who made my junior high experience so painful. Hopefully she’s a trainwreck. šŸ˜‰

  8. Butrfly Garden says:

    I agree with the “Who DON’T I google?” Now that I found out about Spock, I run people through there, too. Also? I look up their criminal histories. I’m nosy. There really isn’t anyone from HS, but old friends and stuff.

    That’s a crazy bully experience! How lucky that person walked in!

  9. I don’t really google anyone but last night I had a dream about a guy who used to be my best friend and then turned into a total asshole and is now a cast member of High School Musical on tour. It was really strange, seeing as how I haven’t thought about him in months — what was he doing in my subconscious?

  10. Mamacita Chilena says:

    Google, no, check their police records, yes.

    And in case you were wondering what I found out, my former cheerleading coach from college was convincted for RAPE. holy shit.

  11. mrs. blogoway says:

    I google the boyfriend I had in college who dumped me. He’s nowhere online. Not myspace, facebook or classmates and I can’t figure it out because I know he works in the tech industry so why in the world doesn’t he use these tools?

    P.S. Wasn’t Divine the prostitute caught with Hugh Grant?

  12. Anonymous says:

    I thought I was the only one who googled people…I no longer feel like a stalker!

    The last thing I heard about Divine is that she was expecting a baby or already had one, that was a few years back though she might have had more:-)

  13. FunnyGal KAT says:

    Oh, yes, I Google the ex-boyfriends. Not because I’m that interested in what’s going on with them, but because I want to make sure I’m more successful than they are. (I swear I’m a nice person in real life, but things sometimes get a little mean in my head…)

  14. From time to time I google people, and when I do, I google anyone whose name I can remember.

  15. Chickenbells says:

    Oh yeah…old boyfriends, and people I really would love to be in touch with now (not necessarily the former…I just want to snoop around a little bit) I did sit next to someone who was obsessed at MySpacing everyone she’d ever known…it was a bit much…Oh, and I’ve reconnected with a few people who’ve sought me out as well…it’s kind of neat.

  16. Julie Pippert says:


    I have even reconnected with people in different spots, such as LinkedIn and Facebook.

    And that cheerleader story is…demented. As is your personal experience.

  17. willikat says:

    google-fu? i am SO USING this word. i have googled some people, but more scarily i and other friends have found our high school teachers on the sex offenders site (prostitution.) ick.geometry teachers are not always what they seem…

  18. Stfu Nfw says:

    I keep trying to google my on-again-off-again boyfriend from 12-22. I can’t find him, mostly because he has a common name, and I’m not sure which Sam Smyth (not his real name, yaknow) he is. I found his sister, because her first name is very uncommon. She was always an annoying little twit (5 years younger than him) back then, but has turned into a lovely young woman who seems to have wonderful potential.

  19. I do Google people. I don’t actually want to be in touch with them; I just want a newsletter, basically.

    Unfortunately I seem to have associated mostly with (a) people with extremely common names and (b) people who are weird about internet privacy.

  20. I google EVERYONE. I’m well known as a “google stalker”. I google professors, classmates, anyone I come across – as well as people from my past. I’ve found lots of people. Old nemesis, old friends who dropped by the wayside. I even try to keep tabs on my estranged brother. Full disclosure – I always have been the MOST NOSY person on the planet, though.

    The only person I can never find is the old high school boyfriend. Who back in the day was the ONLY person who know about those new fangled computer things, so WHY ISN’T HE READILY ACCESSIBLE WAH!

  21. Also SPOCK!!! Where have you been all my life? Thank you commenter, now I will never ever ever get anything done again.

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