in which I realize I am not 18 anymore

These past two weeks have thoroughly kicked my 25-year-old ass.

When I’m 45 I’ll read that last line and travel back in time and re-kick my 25-year-old ass for spending more time nurturing my career and raising a child than being in a bar nursing a double crown and coke and my current self will plead with my future self that it would be impossible to take Nathan to a bar because he’s only a toddler! And Future Mona would say, “Whatever! Take him with!” Because in twenty years, I will still be talking like a teenager and encouraging inappropriate parental behavior.

Last week I drove almost 400 miles total just to secure trees for a weekend tree planting. I had traveled 60 miles before I realized that the old SUV I was driving gave me the option to change the radio station and I wasn’t forced to listen to listen to tired r&b. Though after four repeats of that song about apple bottom jeans and boots with the fur (WITH THE FURRRR!), I thought of my old fruity-jeans that were so tight it looked like my ass was eating them. Seriously. They were Guess jeans and if you have the same sixth-grade sense of humor as I do, you would yell, “Guess? I guess ‘OM NOM NOM NOM NOM!‘”

And I’m sure that’s what long-distance truckers all over the country think as they log thousands of miles: tight pants they have given up or that snakeskin number they thought was cool at the time because Salma Hayek wore it in Traffic or how they bought a ton of J. Lo velour tracksuits and still wear them sometimes as pajamas because they are so comfortable even though you are wearing the soft interior of a 1987 GMC Starcraft Conversion Van.

So tell me something cool you did this weekend and while you are trying to whittle down your list of awesomeness, I’ll direct you to The Full Mommy’s Earth Day Giveaways. There’s still time to get green up in here, up in here.

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Comments

  1. My 35 year old ass was kicked at the zoo. Too many people!

    But I did enjoy a fun improv show.

  2. Oh, GOD, I did NOTHING cool. A whole weekend and NOT ONE COOL THING. Actually, the opposite of cool. Uncool. I took one of my kids to a birthday party. While I was there, I discovered I had not one, but two, holes in my shirt. One in each armpit. CLASSY! That’s me!

  3. Flame Tree Arts Festival kicked my 37 year old ass big time..I ended up having to call in sick with a migraine headache yesterday….I’m starting to think that it may not be the 37 years but the 37 lbs I’ve added to my fat ass that’s doing the kicking!

  4. annenahm says:

    I watched dinosaurs eat surfboards. No drugs involved even. That would have been in second place if I’d seen ass eating pants this weekend too.

  5. mrs. blogoway says:

    I went and saw BABY MAMA and looked around the theatre and said, “well it’s a classy crowd that this movie drew in.” There was all these fake hair weaves and corn chip nail tips, etc. LOL. You shoulda been there.

  6. i rearranged furniture in the living room. i now have a recliner in my kitchen. ooops

    oh, and i convinced myself to leave the christmas tree up one more week

    i am the shiznit

  7. 400 miles for trees????? I would have just drove 20 miles into the wilderness and cut some down – OY! Those must be some nice trees Mona! šŸ˜‰

  8. I went to a wedding on a Louisiana plantation, all Gone With The Wind style. AND I had ALLIGATOR and CRAWFISH.

  9. skiplovey says:

    Oh my gosh every freakin’ time that damn Nelly song comes on I have a complete inability to change the station, even though it’s the dumbest song. I’m captivated by how lowlowlow lowwww she gets.

  10. Mayberry says:

    Just stepping outside made me cool. Because it was all of about 40 degrees.

    bwaha.

  11. thecandyqueen says:

    It was 96 degrees here last weekend, which is about 30 degrees too hot for yours truly. We went to Stockton and it is a pathetic excuse for a town/city. It was Saturday and all the businesses downtown were closed with chains around the door. It was like the whole town was hit by that virus from I Am Legend, or 28 Days Later. Oh, and deep fried asparagus? It isn’t even good. What a waste! I think we’re going to some type of Renaissance Fair this weekend though, so stay tuned for that!!!

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