Jacking Tessie’s post and making it all about me!

I just read Tessie’s post about my catholic school bully of yore and suddenly a flash of previously googled People Of Mona’s Past or POMP hit me and now I cannot function unless it is all spewed into list form.

As of my last google-fu search, I know:

-One ex-boyfriend gained a huge amount of weight, which is ironic because he made fun of my junk in the trunk while we dated and touted his extreme devotion to fitness and martial arts. I guess he lost the snack attack! OH SNAP!

-One ex-boyfriend works at a software company. BORING!

-One debate rival became a very successful headhunter.

-One ex-boyfriend is a genetic scientist studying the DNA of alcoholics.

-One former co-worker ran for a political position and lost in a very humiliating way.

-My first grade boyfriend (I was in 1st grade, he was in SIXTH–my older men preference started young. We were even called 7-11 because I was seven and he was 11! How’s that for sugar-coating creepy puppy love?) grew up and got jailed for aggravated assault and for ramming into a cop car! I sure know how to pick ’em!

Still missing: Ashley, my bff with whom I haven’t spoken to since I moved from Salem, Oregon back to Saipan. In the last letter letter I received, she said she had a gerbil named Maverick (she was a huge Top Gun fan). I can safely bet that the gerbil’s dead now, unless they live for like 16+ years.

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  1. jadeejf says:

    Well, if it makes you feel better-

    One of my exes is working at NASA, one has disappeared into the ether, and the last is a Zamboni driver. Like, for reals.

    As for best friends? One’s a high school music teacher, one is the lead singer for a touring rock band, and one dropped out of art school after a mental breakdown, and one is now pregnant with her second child in the same amount of time that my husband and I have been trying (yay infertility!).

    I’m afraid my husband and I are the boring ones, actually, in Seattle working for tech companies and universities and stuff. šŸ™‚

  2. Your google-fu is strong. I have not found anyone I have googled. I bet it would help if I remembered more last names.

    I’ve googled myself – I can totally find me online.

  3. Oh, I love this SO MUCH. This is EXACTLY the kind of thing I was hoping to hear about.

    This is totally self-centered and weird, but when I find out a Fun Fact about someone from my past, especially an ex-boyfriend, I wonder WHAT DOES IT MEAN ABOUT ME?

    Like, that 75% of my ex-boyfriends are now contributers to the Republican Party or whatever?

    Um, it probably just means that I went to a conservative Baptist college.

    But, you get the idea.


  4. thecandyqueen says:

    After I read these, I had to do some googling. I couldn’t find anything on my first crush (whose name is Nathan btw). My good friend in the 5th grade, Leslie, invited me to the New Kids on the Block concert. I was so excited. I made a poster that said “I love Jordan.” It was ready to go. She called me up the night before and un-invited me. I wanted to kill her. After elementary school she disappeared. After Googling her, turns out she was smart after all. She ended up going to the Lakeside school. I want to call her and tell her she broke my lil heart.

  5. skiplovey says:

    Three of my ex-boyfriends are such losers that can’t even be googled. Nothing comes up, how pathetic is that?
    One of them has a myspace page and I feel like such a sneak if I look at it and although I have (a few times). Hilariously for me there’s pictures of him and ha ha, he’s not looking that great anymore. I WIN!!!

  6. Mamacita Chilena says:

    Wow, you must be a google-fu black belt. I couldn’t find anyone I looked for!!!

    Mostly because I can’t even remember their last names…and anybody that I really want to be caught up with, I’m facebook friends with.

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