My 12 fluid ounce dictator

Meet my master.

I am addicted to diet coke. This is no joke. (But to continue the rhyme, if you’re a guy in England, you’d be a bloke!) Some days Mike and I say to each other, “NO MORE! This is the last time we’re buying diet coke!” And then a 2 liter bottle magically appears in our fridge, or a 36-pack levitates off the shelf and drops into our cart at Costco.

One time Mike and I went without any diet coke for one whole month. This was four years ago and since then we have only managed a three or four day stretch without suckling at the sweet carbonated teat.

I’m not addicted to the caffeine because we have had our share of caffeine-free diet cokes as well. It’s been wired into my brain. When a waiter asks me what I’d like to drink, I politely answer, “DIET COKE IN MY MOUTH NOW!” But there’s always cheaper options like WATER or ICED TEA! What if I don’t want to drink pansy iced tea or look like I’m Cheapy McCheapo when I ask for just water?

How lame is this, that I need something bubbly every single day and that right after I publish this post I will be at my office vending machine waiting for a cold bottle of bubbly to drop into my hand so I can chug its sweet contents into my welcoming belly.

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Comments

  1. kerrianne.org says:

    I love that it says Diet Coca COLA.

    (Oh, and: right there with you. Le sigh.)

  2. *Sips Diet Coke*

    *Lifts it in a hearty CHEERS!*

  3. It’s the wonderful artificial sugar flavor combined with delicious carbonation. I too suckle at the teat of the dc.

  4. I love the non-diet, full-sugar kind, because that damn artificial sweetener gives me migraines. It’s OBVIOUSLY a conspiracy to keep me AFAP (as fat as possible).

  5. Pickles & Dimes says:

    I WISH I could drink diet soda, but I can tell the evil difference, so it’s straight-up Coke and Dew for me. It’s not the caffeine either because I’m fine when I do go without it, but I love that carbonation, man!

    And water? Water is an insult. If I am forced to drink it there is a lot of whining.

  6. Type (little) a says:

    I fucking HATE diet coke. And still I drink it, for I have much love of the “Real” Coke and the Dr Pepper.

    I’m a Pepper!

  7. I don’t get the draw of soda. I can only bring myself to drink root beer and ginger ale while my boyfriend suffers from a similar affliction as you. He loves his diet cola.

    I’m so pansy. I loves me some iced tea. (But no fruity flavors, blech.)

  8. Chickenbells says:

    I’m not so much of a sody drinker (I read somewhere how much calcium it takes to actually digest a sody and it near made me faint) so, I stick with Chai tea instead…all the caffeine and sugar, none of the bubbles though.

  9. annenahm says:

    Me too. Worse than cigarettes. I see a class action lawsuit in their future. For reals,yo.

  10. stfu? nfw. says:

    Have you tried Coke Zero? Yikes. Way worse than diet coke, for sure. I’ll never get that monkey off my back. I also say I ‘need a break’ from the Coke Zero and then Safeway has to have a BUY TWO GET THREE FREE deal, and I think, “Save Seventeen dollars?! How can I not save seventeen dollars on COKE ZERO!?” And so I have 3 cases in the pantry. Yep that means I’ve gone through 2 gone since last thursday. In my defense, we’ve had guests. Er … guest. And B has drank a few.

    I’m so addicted.

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