I need to clear my thoughtsicles

There are some moments when I am hit with baby envy, when I am seething with jealousy over my pregnant friends getting jiggy with their expanding families. Like Monday, when a friend of mine shared that she’s pregnant. While I was extremely happy for her because she is such a great mother already and she truly wants another child, my crazy thoughtsicles dripped back onto me and the what about me line of questions. What about me? I want a baby too! I want to say, “If you don’t stop making your sister lick 9-volt batteries, I’m going to turn this car around!” What about me?

Then these frowning Mona moments dissipate when I think about the overwhelming cost of adding another one to our brood and how stretched we are with just one child. We have enough money for our bills and entertainment and my occasional raging kegger. I want to start my business this year. I want to pay off some credit cards. I want to go out with my friends and know that my one child is perfectly fine in the care of his father, whom is probably teaching him that Jethro Tull is a band and not one person and also, no matter what Mommy says, the world did not begin in 1983 on the day of her birth.

And then there’s the fear that a second child would be Damien or other forms of babies who were not like awesome Baby Nathan. Nathan was a rockstar baby. He was everything I wanted in an infant: the chubs, chuckle and cheese, not to mention the delicious babystink, which has now been replaced with toddler smell and sometimes full-grown-man-post-Thanksgiving-meat-fest malfeasance.

Even with the ovarian baby pangs, I love having just one and the fleeting idea of being pregnant again frightens me. It is more than enough for me to handle. The truth is, I am just waiting until Nathan is coordinated enough to walk on my back and his toddler heft will work out all the kinks and my budding osteoporosis hump. It’ll also be a sweet day when he finally follows the instruction, “Bring Mommy the remote control.”

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Comments

  1. grrltraveler says:

    Again, I could have written this post. I am totally with you. I get the jealous pangs of having an only child similar to what you said but I appreciate being able to have a bit of money, being able to hopefully travel with her. I worry that I would get a ‘hell baby’ after I have had such an easy first. I hear ya, I hear ya, I hear ya.

    I don’t have any great advice or even moments of wisdom, other than saying I can relate.

    (and P.S. Nathan is never going to bring you the remote because he is a BOY!)

  2. jadeejf says:

    Ahh, the baby pangs. I get ’em all the time (for totally different reasons), but yeah, I don’t know. I liked being an only kid, and it’s definitely worth appreciating what you have in your little munchkin right now šŸ™‚ As for the remote, good luck with that šŸ˜‰ No boys I’ve ever met hand over the remote šŸ˜‰

  3. The thoughcicles! Urg! They kill me too. And it’s interesting to hear that the baby pangs never really go away.

  4. The idea of having someone walk on my back to work out kinks or get me the remote almost makes me want to have a kid.

    šŸ˜‰

  5. Angella says:

    After having three of my own beasts, baby pangs are gone. Huzzah!

    Good for you for choosing to have just one, if that’s what fits your lifestyle. You do what works for you.

    Just borrow other people’s babies every once in awhile…but make sure you give them back šŸ™‚

  6. mrs. blogoway says:

    Come on… you’ve got to stay a party of three. It’s the coolest. Besides, another child might interfere with your blog and we can’t have that!

  7. your baby's daddy (*DNA pending) says:

    Tell your internal monologue about the policy in China: one couple, one baby. That’s it! One billion people can’t be wrong.

    Love,

    your husband

  8. Melinda says:

    Sadly, I get those baby pangs too when I hear someone is pregnant…then I envision the sleepless nights again and it goes away pretty quick!

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