How many penis euphemisms can I use in one post?

Saturday night I went to a bachelor/bachelorette party. It was not called a “Romeo/Juliet” party and thank Jennifer Hudson’s Bad Weave, because I get irritated whenever that label’s used to describe a coed pre-wedding get down because, hello, didn’t anyone read the play? Or watch the Claire Danes/Leonardo DiCaprio movie past the part where they make out? Most people know how it ends, right? Without wikipedia-ing it? I don’t know if I want to live in a world where people think Romeo and Juliet are the latest additions to the Gossip Girl cast (I say this after raving about Sex and the City. That’s right! I own my rave. No shame in my game.)

The party was wild! People stayed up after 9 PM! No one talked about Andy Rooney’s desk or agreed that rubber bands are the best invention ever. There was a game where the women were given rice krispie mix to mold into an anatomically correct wang. (New from Parker Brothers: Wang Games!)

Guess who won?

what i won this weekend

I took home two pairs of his and her chocolate thongs which is just great because I plan to wear them while singing the Willy Wonka theme song, only I’m going to say Willy Wangka! Because every day I ask the question, “What would a 12-year-old South Park fan do?”

I might not wear them at all and simply top them off with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s. How raggedy am I to look at chocolate panties and wonder how they’ll taste stirred into a bowl of chocolate chip cookie dough?

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Comments

  1. thecandyqueen says:

    OK. Eww. A Chocolate thong? I’m OK with the candy ones, or I think they make ones of a fruit roll up consistency, but chocolate all up in your cracks? Ugh. Definitely use as an ice cream topper.

  2. Wouldn’t it melt?

    Oh, and congrats on your big win! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  3. annenahm says:

    I just can’t get over the combo of chocolate and thong. Have fun riding the real Hershey Highway.

  4. Oh my lord, I didn’t realize you and Mike BOTH get the chocolate thong tha-thong-thong-thong! You guys can totally bump hersheys!

    Yes, I’m reading your blog at work. ๐Ÿ™‚ Helps to get me through the day…

  5. “Willy Wangka” HAHAHA!

    Yay for you for winning. ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. Swistle says:

    I TOO am always cheesed off at the Romeo and Juliet thing! Their names are invoked as if they represent Pure And Perfect Soulmate Romance, but to me their names represent idiot teenagers who get crushes based on nothing and then stupidly kill themselves. ROMANTIC!

  7. Rebecca says:

    Oh, funny…

  8. Ha! DEFINITELY fill those things with ice cream!

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