Not your father’s Father’s Day

It’s Father’s Day, so that means that this is the time of year that I pull out the Breathe Right strips and perform the longest BJ ever. And since it’s Father’s Day, I’m not even going to time this one.

And while we’re on the subject, I’d like to talk once again about Swingtown: my favorite show about swingers who also live in a town. (I bet they were going to originally call it Swingyurt, but it wasn’t as sexy.) So the more I think about group sex, the more I think that it’s just practical. Ladies (and some dudes–heyyy!), have you ever given a blow job that seems like it’s taking forever? And worse, the TV’s on and you realize that you’re missing Mythbusters? If you had someone else there, it could be like tag team wrestling and you could just yell, “TAG ME OUT! TAG ME OUT!”

Happy Father’s Day!

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Comments

  1. “this is the time of year that I pull out the Breathe Right strips and perform the longest BJ ever”

    i nearly fell off the chair this is my story exactly… haven’t tried breath right strips though lol does it really help?

  2. annenahm says:

    You are a certifiable genius with the Breathe Right strips. They should sell them in pull slot machines in sleazy bars next to the cigarettes, condoms, and poppers.

  3. Sarah: Yes. It works. I’ve seen a lot of football players wear them, too, though I don’t think they use it for the same purpose.

    Anne: I’m going to start a line of gift baskets with breathe right strips and knee pads inside.

  4. Anonymous says:

    I’m guessing your DH is just so damned grateful that he isn’t turned off by the strip across your nose?

  5. rofl. i’ll look at another breathe right strip the same ever again!

  6. *err i meant NEVER. : )

  7. HA! My husband wears them for his snoring. Now I’m not going to be able to look at him without laughing.

  8. like a library book says:

    omg someone down the hall from me thinks I’m choking because I am laughing so hard ! you are too much.

    since they don’t seem to keep my husband from snoring, maybe there’s a new use for the remaining box !

  9. HAHAHA!! Tag me out fo sho – that would be fantastic.

  10. thank you for ruining my makeup! i’m laughing so hard, the tears are ROLLING!

    heheheheheheheeeeeeeeee

    also? next time have him lay in the floor so that when you’re “looking up at him” you can actually be watching mythbusters šŸ˜€

  11. Pickles & Dimes says:

    Oh god, this is the funniest thing I’ve read all week.

    I definitely have wished for a tag team partner during those times.

    I have also employed the “if this doesn’t end by the time I count to 100, I’m out” method.

  12. Patreesha says:

    Your opening paragraph makes me proud to be one of your readers. Damn, girl!

  13. LMAOOO Mona!! You make my day. <3

  14. Best. Post. Ever.

  15. OMG, absolutely hilarious. Instead of breathe right strips I just use bottle upon bottle of beer. Next time I am definitely trying it your way.

    P.S. I found you through good mom/ bad mom and am subscribing to you now.

  16. Ok, this had me laughing too. My husband calls Father’s Day- blow job and steak day. He thinks he’s a riot.

    As a sex educator who teaches women about their sexual health, I must say the breathe right strip is something I have never heard of, but I’ll pass it along as one of my tips! FYI, they sell products made for making this “job” (and it is called a job for good reason)quicker, easier and much less taxing!

    Too funny!

  17. Kaytabug says:

    Poor Kelly, NO wait! Poor Kelly’s husband doesn’t realize that there is a Steak and BJ Day, March 14th.

    Oh oh! I wonder if using the breath right strips with menthol would give him an added tingle.

  18. anymommy says:

    Hilarious. I came from badmom/goodmom.

  19. Woodlandmama says:

    Sorry, I’ve never gotten why other girls hate to do it. I love it.

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