how hard it is to be a toddler

July 4th

Nathan had his two-year appointment last week. He weighs 33.6 pounds or 92%, he towers at 36.25 inches or 83% and his head circumference is 52.7 cm or off the freaking charts. The nurse had to measure his head twice because she was sure the number was wrong; his head couldn’t possibly be growing at that rate unless he was the elephant man/boy. She didn’t say that last part, but if my son did have some cranial deformity, it would explain why labor hurt like a mother and why my vagina has about as much area as a Hawaiian golf course.

This kid is strong. He’s already outgrowing his size 9 shoes. I have to buy 2T-3T for his pants, but up to 4T in shirts just so it can slip easily over that virtual planetoid and to keep myself from saying, “Head! Paper! Now!”

He’s finally talking, not at the level that those cold pediatric books recommend, but enough for me to know that some wheels are turning in that huge noggin of his and I won’t have to regret all the times in his infancy when I let The Sopranos play in the background. He repeats all the words we say to him like “Obama,” and he can easily follow multi-step directions like, “Go to the table and bring Mommy the remote control.” Sometimes he’ll walk to the table, look back at me like he has short term memory loss and has forgotten in those five steps what his assignment was even though I’m yelling and pointing, “BRING! MOMMY! THE! REMOTE! IT IS THE ONLY REMOTE ON THE TABLE!” And I should just get up and retrieve it myself, but instead, I continue this useless round of charades with, “FIRST WORD! SOUNDS LIKE REMOTE CONTROL!”

Next week, we are taking a family vacation to DISNEYLAND. While you sexy ladies are at BlogHer and living la vida Boca with my friend Linda, I will be in the happiest place on earth, angrily shoving my way through the turnstiles so my family can be the first in line for Finding Nemo.

This will be the first time for Mike and Nathan to meet my sister Bobbie, her husband and their three beautiful daughters. This will also be the first time I will have seen my sister in FIVE YEARS. That number is enough for me to weep big pansy tears. I told Mike that I might cry if I see my sister and he said that the emotion isn’t valid if you plan on it. I disagree–how many times do women (and some dudes–heeyyy!) watch The Notebook because you know it’ll make you get all sobby and red-faced?

I’ve done a rough count of total people attending including my mom, my aunt, my other sister and her children, my brother and his wife and son, and so far I have twenty-five people. If you have any tips on how to manage Disneyland without going batshit crazy, please let me know. I’m reading this book to find out what to do about food (specifically, if you can bring food into the park–no? yes? and how much?), if it’s worth bringing my humongous camera and if buying a toddler leash is worth it. I’m scared that Nathan will run off and I will lose him forever. Normally, if I’m trying to coax him out of whatever toddler den he’s run into, I say, “Susu! Nathan come out for the susu!” (Susu means boobs in Chamorro) I don’t think that Walt Disney would approve boob-luring devices, but hey, they don’t mind when I bring out the twins at Target.

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  1. Fiona Picklebottom says:

    He looks so grown-up in that picture! And his hair is growing out nicely. šŸ™‚

  2. I don’t know anything about Disneyland. But I do have 3 nephews with giant heads. They could not wear any shirts that didn’t button up until about age 3. Their heads all look normal size now though.

  3. Maybe you guys should all wear matching t-shirts?

    I am kidding.

    Please don’t.

    Have fun at Disneyland! And seeing your sister!

  4. here are a few pointers from our trip to DisneyWorld in December.
    1. pee whenever you have an opportunity to.

    2. FAST PASS your ass to shorter lines. Go in to Disneyland with a MISSION.

    3. if someone will be available to hold your camera for you while you are on Space Mountain, lug that jumungous camera with you.

    4. Get a map of the park … and map your day from where you wanna begin and where you’ll end it.

    5. of course i have grown kids, so leashes were not necessary except for when we were on Space Mountain and i had to lasso my oldest back onto the ride…but i dont think that a leash for Nathan would be a bad idea. he will wanna walk. and you will want security on him.

    6. We brought drinks in (water, Gatorade, etc) I dont remember bringing in food but I think you can.

    have fun in Disneyland! Its great šŸ™‚ Pls bring me back a shotglass that has Minnie getting all sloshed. thanks! haha.

  5. You will have the BEST time!!! And I say go for the leash. I used to make fun of people like that before I myself reproduced. How easy it all seemed. = )

    It was so nice to talk with you.
    Enjoy the family and Disneyland!

  6. Girl, you HAVE to plan your cry, make sure it’s good and teary. Better start doing that now in case your weepy look looks funny. There are pretty cries and damn ugly ones and you have to perfect it.

    Disneyland? Hate the place, but kids love it. Don’t bring a honking big stroller. Get some snacks, small ones so that you don’t die of hunger waiting in line to eat or hunting for a free table to sit in. Nothing will help much, because unlike Sea World, they don’t serve Bud, but if you’re good at zoning out, like I am, do that for a bit every couple of hours. It will save your sanity. Also, begin bumping into your furniture at every turn now and start practicing your evil (atan baba) eye now cause you’ll get hit in those lines and crowds more than you can imagine. I love my personal space and so does everyone else at Disneyland.

    Have fun with family.

  7. mrs. blogoway says:

    Have fun at Disney. I haven’t been since I was 7 so I don’t have much advice for ya except keep your eyes open on Space Mountain (my mom closed hers the whole way and messed up her equilibrium for a whole year). I can’t wait to see Nathan in ears.

  8. annenahm says:

    All I can see now is a fat man in a Hawaiian shirt, in a golf cart no less , driving out of your panties and complaining loudly about how the ‘rough is really rough’ and where the hell did his ball go?

    So thanks.

  9. Big heads are cute! Like puppies. šŸ™‚ Give him a little more time, he’ll get it right…Katelyn is a master at bringing mommy the remote, both for the TV and the air con.

    You are going to have so much fun with your family! I want to see pictures. No advice…never stayed longer than a day/night trip and never went with children. BUT, the lines were always bearable. Oh and bring sunscreen!! So Cal summers are hot! Unless you are at the breezy beach, in which case it’s still hot from all the hotties in swimwear.

  10. Marianas Pride says:

    Hi Mon! Long time no hear! Big head = big brains! Just like mommy! (minus the big head..) šŸ˜‰

    Take care and glad to see all is well!

  11. stfu? nfw. says:

    K isn’t talking yet either (she says “noooooo” when I ask her if it’s time for ni-night, but that’s about it). 16 months next week. I keep thinking about you and the drama you went through with Nathan around this same age. Anyway, I’m glad to find out that Letting Nathan Be Nathan has worked out so well. šŸ™‚

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