what opens and closes

Thank you very much for your comments on the last post. I had debated for a while whether or not to even mention it, to let this fester silently, offline, where it might very well belong. But I took into account every comment, every suggestion that my friend just might not be able to share what’s going on in her life because it’s too painful to talk about or it’s not in her nature to articulate it. Or she might not be responding to me because she’s being held hostage (Thanks Jenny!). Fair enough.

And despite how much I wanted to scream and screech, “What about meeeee?” I sent her a short message saying how I know she might be too busy to call, and if she ever needs to talk to me, I’ll be there.

I don’t know if I believe it, but it is one step closer to being the bigger person.

I pored over the sweeter memories, the ones that made this whole process so painful in the first place. When she and I were roommates, we were driving home from a huge Costco shopping trip. We were at a red light when I noticed the driver next to us staring into our window. When we looked back at him, he shook his head and said, “I’m sorry, but I couldn’t help staring at you.” He flashed a huge smile and drove off.

She and I were a bit stunned and flattered at the same time, but then I gunned the engine, speeding after him.

“What are you doing?!” she asked.

“I have to find out which one he was talking to!”

And the interior of the car filled with our laughter, our voices so loud we couldn’t hear anything else.

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  1. Type (little) a says:

    I’m trying to figure out how to be the bigger person, too.

    Sweaty hippie internet hugs. Or something

  2. grrltraveler says:

    That’s a great memory.. there are probably a lot more too.

    There is a cheesy poem out there in the world about friends for a season, a reason and a lifetime. Sometimes there is no explanation why people stop a friendship but maybe they were there when you both needed each other.



  3. It's hard to wait, to put yourself out there hoping she'll respond, to wonder. I've been in that place with an old friend for a long time. Her situation is complicated by emotional & health issues but still, I wanted the friendship or at least the acknowledgment that we are still friends.

    I walked away from it recently. I had to for my own sake. But it still hurts. And I still wonder how she is.

  4. Chickenbells says:

    That’s the hardest part of stepping away from this kind of friendship…the memories of how good it could be. I hope that she’s able to contact you soon and create more good memories…

  5. I’m sure those memories haunt her too. Hope the reason for the distance gets cleared up soon.

  6. I had this exact same thing happen with an old roommate too. I never did figure out what went wrong. And I tried. I wrote letters, I called, I emailed. And she lived right across the street from me! She would have people over and they would have parties outside. Oh, it so hurt.

    It took a couple of years for me to not get mad about it. I still send her an occasional email about a major life change here and there, and I still hear nothing. It’s just one of those lessons I probably won’t get until I’m about 90. = )

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