I’ve seen the 25 things meme circulating, including Metalia’s fuh-uh-uh-ny version here. So instead of 25, I’m writing up 26 because I’m an overachiever when I want to be. But mostly an underachiever, setting the bar lower and lower every day.
1. I fell out of the bed of a truck once when I was about seven. I was not allowed to sit in the back after that.
2. I started driving my mom’s brown Previa when I was 15, but I didn’t get my license until I was 18.
3. Whenever I eat a bag of skittles, I separate the candies into colors and eat them in this order: cherry, lime, grape, and orange. I don’t eat lemon.
4. In the second grade, some lying liar who lies told me that I was a great and talented writer, so I set out to write a joke book. Here’s one joke I remember: “Knock-Knock? Who’s there? Michael. Michael who? Michael Jordan!” Yep, that was the entire joke. I thought Michael Jordan’s fame was enough to carry a punchline-free joke.
5. I first learned how to use chopsticks at the Chinese restaurant we went to after my First Holy Communion.
6. I’m certain that the more expensive your bluetooth headset is, the more of a douchecandy you’ll feel in 10 years when you look at pictures of yourself.
7. I had a pricey TI-83 graphing calculator in high school but I really used to store cheat sheets and execute programs that drew Mickey Mouse on the screen.
8. I’d like to think that I would be very good at crossword puzzles, but when given the choice, I opt for the puzzles where you just circle the word. I DOMINATE CIRCLE THE WORD.
9. At 16, I was the youngest intern at the news station when it was called KMCV. I got to be on air for three weeks when one of the anchors took her vacation.
10. When I am on the road, I constantly scan car tabs to see if they’re expired and if they are, by how many months. The worst I’ve seen is a car that hasn’t renewed its tabs since February of 2008.
11. I think that Corn Pops is a perfect meal.
12. I really hate commercials featuring women obsessing about their diet or trying to make me think that yogurt is a food. You never see men saying, “Dude! The Manhattan Clam Chowder Diet! You gotta try it!”
13. I never used my full name, Ramona, until I started working. No one at work calls me Mona.
14. I can wiggle my ears.
15. I went to a comedy audition once. I was not called back.
16. I had a raging crush on Dave Foley when he was Kids in the Hall.
17. I only had piano lessons for three months before I quit and I’m sure went back to watching Kids in the Hall and Absolutely Fabulous.
18. I have never broken a bone or sprained an ankle.
19. When I was 16, I won the Attorney General’s Cup, which at the time was the speech competition to win on Saipan because you didn’t have to share the title with anyone else. SUCK IT TEAM MEMBERS!
20. I’ve only been on one cross-country roadtrip which started at my then-fiancee’s house in Atlanta and ended at my first apartment in Seattle.
21. I could listen to this song on end.
22. I’m disappointed that not more people from my past are google-able.
23. I had a Motorola pager in the 8th grade and I thought I was the shizzz.
24. I once dyed my hair jet black to impress a guy who lived with his mother, had no job and drove a car with brakes that worked only once in a while.
25. I haven’t had a hair cut since September 2007. I think once I’m able to start sitting on it (again), I’ll think about a serious trim. Until then, the girl from The Grudge is a good look for me.
26. During the whole time I typed this, I had a two-year-old sitting next to me, repeating all the letters on the screen. It was a little distrac