I haven’t written much about my two-year-old Capri Sun peddler son of mine, but don’t worry, CPS! He’s still here! How do I know? Well, he reminds me of his existence every morning at 5 AM when he pries my eyes open Clockwork Orange style and blares, “MOMMMM! JUUUICE! PLEEEEASSE!” Here are some updates on this little magic man:
1. He loves the alphabet. He announces them like they’re celebrities and he’s just recognized that behind the dark tint of the limo, there’s a B boozing it up with an A! So wherever we are, he’ll point out letters, in the grocery store, in the psychotherapist office. (Just joking, I don’t go to Nathan’s session with a psychotherapist. He’s already started asking me to drop him off two blocks away and drive off. So sensitive, this one!) He finds letters everywhere. He pointed to the white stripes between the cars in the parking lot and said, “It’s a T! A teeeeee!” It’s a strange phenomenon since over a year ago, Dr. Jerky McJerkFace told me my son had a mild speech delay because some checklist said so. And because my son flicked him off instead of “using his words.”
2. My favorite game lately has been picking him up, lifting him in the air and spinning us around. After two turns, I’ll put him down and he’ll start teetering with his arms extended and saying, “Whoaaaaaa!” until he plops down on a couch cushion and demands a repeat.
3. I’m going to either sell or give away his Ergo Baby Carrier, one of the last vestiges of his babyhood. I haven’t carried him in it in months and why would I subject myself to hauling around his 40 pound body. It was the most hippie mama thing I ever bought and I loved it. Now that it’s no longer being used, I can return to my life of made in china products, hot pockets and not having an orgasm during birth (um, no that was not my experience. Namaste!).
4. He pushed the heavy wicker laundry basket down the stairs and I swear I thought that was his body going boom, boom, boom. I have never run so fast and been so terrified. So I’ll have him to blame when I have to buy Nice & Easy hair color in bulk to disguise the fear-induced grays and subsequent to that, when I yell, “THIS IS WHY I CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS OR BLACK HAIR!”
5. Whenever he hits his hand or bangs his finger, he’ll waddle over to me, whimpering. Then I’ll say, “Where? Where does it hurt?” And he’ll point to whatever is troubling him and I’ll kiss, kiss, kiss it better.