in which I don’t get a final rose

if you a fly girl / get your nails done / get a pedicure / get your hair did

if you a fly girl / get your nails done / get a pedicure / get your hair did

This weekend I had the first major hair cut since this one in 2007. It’s been very easy to erase salon visits from my list of expenses, especially when I’d rather use that money on my son or to buy camera equipment. But in my younger days, I would leave one of my very favorite salons having spent over a hundred bucks on highlights and layered cuts. I also had acrylic french tipped nails that made me feel so fly girl even though they were expensive and after each fill, I felt like my sausage fingertips had been sucked through individual bamboo shoots.

This recent trip only cost me the tip since the stylist, TT, was offering free hair cuts at the very same salon where my wallet hemorrhaged long ago. It was easy to talk to her especially when I have this social deficiency that causes my brain to reformat itself so I can’t talk about anything other than weird crap I see on the internet, like this documentary on women who fall passionately in love with buildings and bridges, marry them and talk to each other about their sexy times (with bridges! and fences! and crossbows!). See, that’s what goes through my brain and I lack the filter that says, “Mona, maybe this is not appropriate conversation gruffle for someone you just met. Or anyone you will ever meet.”

I like my hair at this length, the way it flips upward like Marlo Thomas in That Girl, or at least what I’ve seen on Nick and Nite because that show was before my time. That’s not an insult, that’s a compliment because you know what shows are of my time? Rock of Love Bus. I had this weird dream that I was on The Bachelor but instead of competing against Molly and Melissa, I had to battle for affection against the girls of Rock of Love Bus. These women were so poignant, screaming out drunken lines like, “What the french!?” and “People who eat basil are lame!” Only, we were in this huge mansion and I had no interest in The Bachelor himself. I wanted to know where he got the granite in the kitchen and what the exact square footage of the main floor was, not if I could stay and “rock his world.”

I don’t think I’d do well on those types of shows. I don’t look good in a slinky dress. You’d be more attracted to a sack of potatoes with a belt around the middle. Besides, our entire one-on-one date would feature a laptop and my screaming, “GUESS WHAT I JUST SAW ON YOUTUBE!”

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  1. So, there is a “The Bachelor” casting call in Bellevue some time in April and I kinda think we should go and video blog it? We could talk to the ladies in line and ask them wtf they are thinking.

  2. Good point about what our generations shows are. So pitiful.

    I have (embarrassingly) enjoyed all the other Rock of Loves, but the bus girls are beyond terrible. I fear for the safety of my eyes when I watch that show.

  3. Oh I forgot to say how cute your Marlo Thomas hair looks! Very sheek!

  4. I have found this amazing Paul Mitchell school of hair (or something) in Portland where there are seriously hundreds of hairdressers all with more personal and hair style than me, and the best part? I was able to get a cut and color (and toner, though it wasn’t like a printer toner, thank god) for FORTY DOLLARS. And then I vowed to never go anywhere else again.

    (Also: your hair looks cute!)

  5. Cute hair! So shiny too.

  6. I like your new haircut. But it does remind me once again how desperately I need to get to the salon…my hair is in a very bad state.

  7. She should stop holding that bow like that if they’re not dating anymore. And OMG, it still lives with her even though she’s married to something else now? That bow has some serious emotional problems.

  8. Very cute hair… so happy for you that you got a free trip to the salon. There’s nothing like it– I think that’s why I do hair (because I enjoy getting mine done so much).

  9. Why was the salon offering free haircuts? I feel like that must be some kind of trap. Like they used experimental shampoo and tomorrow you’re going to wake up and you’re hair will be orange.

    I mean, I hope not, it looks great…NOW….mwahahahah!

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