In which we meet Dooce

Last night, Drew and I arrived an hour and a half early to see Heather Armstrong read from her new book, It Sucked and Then I Cried: How I Had a Baby, a Breakdown, and a Much Needed Margarita. I have been giddy since Heather announced Seattle as a stop on her book tour and I couldn’t imagine sharing this moment with anyone else other than Drew. The two of us have read Dooce for years.

If you don’t know who Dooce is, I’m sure there’s a perfectly good reason for that. Perhaps you and your FLDS sister wives were just allowed internet access, in which, congratulations for stopping here! Or maybe you were recently released from your captors and the last recent television show you watched was Real World Seattle in 1998. In that case, I must tell you, The Real World really sucks now. But last night, we were amongst many many people who did know who formidable Heather Armstrong is and who also arrived early to grab a seat. Drew and I had picked up some teriyaki so we were quickly inhaling our food, or at least I was, while people filled the seats. Drew placed our coats in the front row to hold our places and I kept eyeing them, ready to cut someone who dared move it. Then I remembered that I kept a swiss army knife in my trunk, so I couldn’t cut someone right there if my coat was nudged out of the way. I would have to say something like, “I can’t kick your ass right now, but if you want to meet me at my car trunk or see me in five minutes, I’ll get you. You know, whichever is more convenient.”

Thankfully, no violence was necessary. We took our seats and the place began to fill up. Mostly there were women and some of their husbands. I saw Mrs. Flinger who was also tweeting the whole time. I love it when I’m in a group of bloggers who just get me. Like I don’t have to feel embarrassed about reading someone’s blog so carnivorously and I can say, “Remember when she wrote about…” and I receive understanding nods and not looks that say, “So how much time *do* you spend in front of a computer?”

dooce on stage

Heather showed and the crowd starting applauding and “wooo”ing. She was very tall and from behind the podium, you couldn’t even tell that she was pregnant. She was exactly how I imagined she’d be–gracious, gorgeous and very, very funny. She read a few passages about breastfeeding and boobs and then about having sex after you’ve had a baby. And then she talked about a time she was in a movie theater bathroom in Washington and a woman farted so loud, it sent the rest of the women in the bathroom laughing uncontrollably. Who doesn’t love a good fart story?

dooce on stage

During the Q&A, she offered the correct pronunciation of the word, “crayon.”

the correct pronunciation of “crayon” from mona on Vimeo.

Then Mrs. Flinger (!) got up and thanked Heather for talking about post-partum depression.

mrs. flinger and dooce from mona on Vimeo.

There were a few awkward moments, like when a woman gave her a leather vagina wallet and another woman gave her a computer game she created for kids. I’m sure that Heather must receive tons of off-color trinkets but she was very polite when she received them. I would be like, “AND HOW DOES THIS LEATHER VAGINA REMIND YOU OF ME? WHO HAVE YOU BEEN TALKING TO?”

After Heather finished reading, the whole crowd made a mad exodus to line up to get our books signed. Drew and I tried to make a ninja shortcut but ended up at the very end of a Disneyland-in-July-long line. I looked at Drew and said, “I’m going to look at this as more time I get to spend with you.” So Drew and I spent about 30-40 minutes with each other, slowly inching our way around the maze of books until we finally got to Heather.

me and heather

We had a short chat about cameras and how she had bought the new Canon 5D Mark II but it doesn’t focus correctly. I tried to say something funny, but instead sounded like a reanimated Frankenstein.

Then it was Drew’s turn and she had the idea of having Heather sign her iPhone, to which Heather remarked, “Are you sure?!? It’s irreversible!”

drew shows heather her iphone

But she signed it.

heather signs drew's iphone

drew and dooce

Heather had mentioned that she doesn’t respond to emails unless she feels like the person has enriched her life somehow, which explains why she doesn’t answer hatemail. I would say that the whole evening had enriched my life, I left with my heart full of love for women and blogging and writing.

I would definitely recommend purchasing Heather’s book and if you have the opportunity to hear her read, please do. Get there early though and pack some heat just in case.

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  1. The question and answer session just made the whole night, as far as I was concerned. Particularly the purse. Only in Seattle 🙂

    Saw you from a distance when we were leaving, but was too lazy to walk back and say hi to you. So saying hi now!

  2. It was fun to see her at Powell’s in PDX, too, though it was so bizarre for me to go to Powell’s with a mission beyond browsing room after room of books for hours on end. In hindsight, I’m also thankful no one in our crowd gifted her with a leather vagina.

  3. How awesome! I totally admire the empire she’s built. There are few really big female bloggers so it’s nice to see someone kick ass.

    Also, “Heather had mentioned that she doesn’t respond to emails unless she feels like the person has enriched her life somehow, which explains why she doesn’t answer hatemail. I would say that the whole evening had enriched my life.”

    I think I’m going to start following that policy. I normally get hate mail, get so furious I start seeing red, send a response that goes a little something like this, “Eff you you efffing a-hole mother-effer.” (except with real curse words, not fake safe for work ones). Then I black out and when I wake up I just sit there in a post-rage coma wondering if that email will come back to haunt me when I’m President of the Free World and people start digging up dirt.

    Her way is probably healthier.

  4. So sorry I missed it but your recap made me feel like I was there. 😉

  5. Thanks for sharing your experience with The Almighty Dooce! I wish I could have gone but both the kids had practice last night….*sigh*.

  6. HAHAHAHA. Can I use that video? That’s hilarious. I was going to write about seeing Dooce, too, but you did an awesome job. I think I’ll just link here. LOL.

    Seriously, it was nice to see you. I’m sure the next time we get together I’ll do something totally dorky again. 😉

  7. That is so awesome. I’m going to apply that policy to ALL social interactions. Like, if I’m going through the checkout line and I don’t feel like the clerk is enriching my life, or if I’m at a party and I don’t feel like the person who started talking to me is enriching my life, I just won’t answer! Well, maybe I should wear a t-shirt that explains the enrichment policy, so they won’t waste time repeating themselves. I’m thoughtful like that.

  8. Love your recap – and signing the iphone? AWESOME!

  9. Lucky you! I wish Dooce was coming to Charleston!

  10. Isn’t Heather so gracious? I met her at BlogHer, and once I got over how TALL she was I was amazed at her inner beauty.

    PS – Are you coming to BlogHer this year?

    *Crosses fingers*

  11. What a fun night! I am jealous of the good laughs and night out! What a treat. Now I need to read her book!

  12. wait. WAIT. a leather vagina? what?! i need more of a story there!

    she was here in the bay area tonight but sadly i couldn’t go. i just hope she writes another book and then goes on another book tour.

  13. Very cool Mona!

  14. How exciting! Was Mrs. G. there? You’re so lucky to live in Seattle. I doubt Dooce is coming to Books-a-Million, Longview, TX. There’s always Dallas though, right?

    • I didn’t see Mrs. G but the room was pretty packed. There were about 200 people? That was one thing that really amazed me that she could be so friendly to that large of a group and even signing books for almost an hour.

  15. What no pic of the vagina purse? What’s up with that?

  16. I really wanted to see Heather when she came to Chicago, but unfortunately I couldn’t make it. So great that you got to meet her & hear her speak.

  17. I saw her on Oprah last night! So cool! I’ll have to get her book. Right now I’m reading Naptime is the New Happy Hour. So true!!

  18. What a great post! What great pics to! My pics of her speaking look like I’m a stalker… of far-away ghost! But I got a fun pic with her… and In our meeting I totally was an idiot. Heeehee…

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