I haven’t had a real dentist in years. Blame it on a combination of not having dental insurance until four years ago and an utter fear of dentists in general and their judgy-judgments when looking at my mouth and saying stupid things like, “Looks like your gums are bleeding…” WELL THEY WEREN’T BLEEDING WHEN I WALKED IN THIS ROOM, DOC! Maybe that’s *your* fault! When I did have dental work done on Saipan, I would leave the office in tears, thanks to a dentist and his assistants who had the collective bedside manner of a rabid cat just released from a car trunk. I know there are some great dentists there; I just never had the fortune of visiting them.
So fast forward a few years, when my face explodes and I find a dentist who is not only fully covered by my paltry insurance, but turns out to be the nicest, non-judgmental dentist ever and his incredibly cordial assistant lists out what I need to have done: about a grand worth of out-of-pocket expenses which includes wisdom teeth extraction, two root canals, two crowns and rust-proofing. I think they added the rust-proofing in for free and if it’s free I’LL TAKE IT. But I have the money to pay for the work, so I say go for it. Today was the first day in what will be a series of mouth gouging afternoons and being able to feel only one side of my face. Afterward, I will dribble chicken noodle soup all over my shirt and you’ll wonder if I went to the dentist or that doctor in the movie Awakenings, you know, before they administered the drugs.
And speaking of free, my sweet hefty little boy loves free attention so he sat in on my recap of what went down: