I’ve offered my husband some space here because he doesn’t want to start a blog of his own, but he does want to share some tips on being married to a Chamorro woman and all the craziness that comes with it. And if you didn’t know, Kirida (kee-ree-dah) in Chamorro means “favorite girl,” and the word for “favorite boy” is Kiridu, (kee-ree-doo).
So presenting the first round from Kiridu: the Don’ts.
1. Don’t insult your mother-in-law’s pickled radishes even if it smells like someone’s ass.
2. Don’t make fun of your mother-in-law at the fish market when she keeps asking the clerk for salmon necks, and he replies “Sominex?”
3. Don’t be perturbed when a Pacific Islander tells you that they’ll be somewhere at 1:30 and they don’t arrive until four. They are always on island time.
4. Do not insult your wife’s cooking.
5. Do not insult your wife’s house cleaning “skills.”
6. Do not be offended when your wife asks you to share memories of the 1904 World’s Fair.
7. Do not respond to comment above with, You @!O%@#S:LK#(*!
8. Do not take it personally as the only haole in the room when people speak Chamorro for extended periods of time and you have no idea what they’re talking about.
9. Don’t forget to take off your shoes when you enter the front door of a party and add them to the waist-high pile of shoes that has collected from all the guests.
10. Don’t forget to tell your wife every day that you love her more than anything in the world.