Yesterday’s speech evaluation went swimmingly with a few early obstacles such as my opening the door the the speech pathologist and realizing that I had just stepped in HAIRBALLS and then having to pretend that everything was fine, please come in, no I did not just dredge my sock in cat yak. Then there was Nathan completely losing it when he wasn’t allowed to ride his bike, then again losing it when he couldn’t watch Sesame Street on TV and again when he couldn’t watch Sesame Street on the computer, which exactly what we want to show a speech pathologist, that our son prefers the company of the iMac to his loving PARENTS. I hope your new mother, iTunes, knows that you like chicken nuggets and spaghetti noodles, kid, BECAUSE I’M OUT!
She observed how Nathan talked to us, how he asked for juice (joose), then for a popsicle (pop-kuls) then popsicles AGAIN. He flipped through his flashcards, spreading them on the table. When he pulled out the dog card, we asked him what sound a dog makes, and instead of answering, “woof,” WHICH HE DOES EVERY FREAKING TIME, he retorted, “NO!” What is it with getting your kids to perform on command?! And making the parents look like bumbling idiots who have to repeat, “WHAT SOUND DOES A DOG MAKE! WOOF! DOES IT SAY WOOF!?!”
Towards the end of the simple evaluation, she confirmed that yes, Nathan was behind in speech, but that there weren’t any huge red flags. Most of the kids she works with don’t even speak at all. Nathan’s able to communicate his needs and perfectly fine with his social and emotional connections, but the words, GAHHHH THE WORDS! So we’re going to start seeing her once a week, and knocking on wood and the 10% of each visit we’ll pay out of pocket, he’ll start to string words together into sentences, sentences into paragraphs, paragraphs into 3 AM calls from King County Jail to let us know that we need to pick him up and also, please bring bail money and a couple of fruit-pies from 7-11 because THOSE ARE SO DELICIOUS IN THE MORNING!
Title courtesy of Metric, this song’s been pulling me through this week.