I have been Ms. McComplainyMouth all week. It could be the heat or the fact that I haven’t worked out in a few days so there’s nothing to do but let out all my aggression on my husband, who has asked me to stop waking him up in the middle of the night just so I can tell someone how much I hate it when people go overboard with photoshop, especially on their children’s photos. Nothing makes me go blecchh more than seeing someone who doesn’t know how to step away from the gaussian tool and transforms a regular photo into this:
I see a lot of this. A LOT. It just irritates me that people have such great photo editing programs at their disposal and instead of using it responsibly, like performing simple tweaks or enhancing it with phenomenal actions, they mutate their little angels’ photos until there’s nothing left for me to say but, “OKAY I GET IT. YOUR KID HAS GREEN EYES. NOW LET GO OF THE FREAKING SHARPENING TOOL POR FAVOR!” You see how upset I get? I have to throw down all my bilingual polite requests. OH DE NADA!
And the heat has been bugging me, even though I grew up on a tropical island and have dealt with temperatures far more intense and included humidty so high I might as well have been *in* the water. I’m such a whiny pansy now. Mike’s car doesn’t have tinted windows and neither does mine, which is so different from growing up on Saipan, where everyone pretty much has their cars wrapped in limo tint. When I first got here to Seattle and was in an untinted car, I thought, “WOW! EVERYONE CAN SEE ME!”
While I have been trying to cool off without the aid of air conditioning (which I call air con, none of this AC nonsense) by taking ice cold baths, eating mango sorbet and listening to Vanilla Ice, Snow, and LL Cool James (he would get a lot further in his career if he changed his name to Ladies Love 63 Degree and Slightly Cloudy Weather James), I have a compiled a quick list of things which do not suck at all:
1. Our Speech Therapist: Nathan had his first full appointment yesterday which Mike sat in on. This woman is a miracle worker, not saying that Nathan is like Helen Keller, (And FYI, if you ever want to know how my brain works, watch Ellen DeGeneres impersonating Jodie Foster in the movie NELL. THIS IS ME!) but she has an infinite amount of patience. After about thirty minutes of structured play and exercises with Nathan, she sent us an email afterward, detailing that he has trouble with certain speech production and has ‘motor maps’ for certain productions like ‘please’ so he’s using a few words for many concepts. I feel like finally someone understands what is going on, someone who knows what to do and isn’t judging us because I watched Reservoir Dogs while Nathan was in utero. And Sopranos. And George Carlin.
2. My winnings: I won THREE toys out of those coin-operated claw games that you spend five dollars in quarters to get a thirty-cent stuffed animal. And I won three toys! It was so exciting because Nathan kept yelling, “TOYS! TOYS!” This was the first time that I figured out how to choose stuffed animals that were on its side and not too squished by other toys so the claw would clamp onto the body of the toy, not the neck or any of the appendages and huzzah! It worked! Awww yeah, who has two thumbs and is one notch above Stephen Hawkings? This sister!
3. Indian food: A few months ago I tried butter chicken for the first time at the Whole Foods hot lunch bar and it was so delicious, it felt like a party explosion in my mouth! That’s what she said! Before being asked to leave Whole Foods! I have formed an addiction to the spicy, saucy and savory dishes and I cannot. get. enough. I took Mike to an Indian restaurant hoping that maybe we could be the Indian food hopping power couple and after he had a plate of chicken tikka masala, samosas and dal, he said, “This food is perfect…for you to eat with someone else!” His aversion to this wonderful cuisine doesn’t stop me from thinking when I’ll get my next fill of butter chicken. And now I know what Dave Lister was talking about all this time, I get it. If I were stuck on a space ship with a hologram and a cat-man, I would want to eat chicken vindaloo all the time, too.
4. Trader Joes: Trader Joe’s has been this mythical store which I’ve heard a lot about but have never ventured into because I never knew what to buy. When I heard that they had *frozen* butter chicken, I was sold. I didn’t have to make the food myself but I could still incorporate my favorite cooking method: pull it out of the microwave half-way and stir. And they have tons of microwavable Indian food at reasonable prices and other goodies and they always give my son stickers on our way out, because that’s the way to my heart: giving free stuff for my kid.
How’s the weather where you are? If it’s hot, how are you cooling off? And if it’s perfectly cool and breezy, don’t tell me about it. Let’s talk about something else, indian food perhaps?