the heat is on

I have been Ms. McComplainyMouth all week. It could be the heat or the fact that I haven’t worked out in a few days so there’s nothing to do but let out all my aggression on my husband, who has asked me to stop waking him up in the middle of the night just so I can tell someone how much I hate it when people go overboard with photoshop, especially on their children’s photos. Nothing makes me go blecchh more than seeing someone who doesn’t know how to step away from the gaussian tool and transforms a regular photo into this:

don't do this to photos PLEASE

I see a lot of this. A LOT. It just irritates me that people have such great photo editing programs at their disposal and instead of using it responsibly, like performing simple tweaks or enhancing it with phenomenal actions, they mutate their little angels’ photos until there’s nothing left for me to say but, “OKAY I GET IT. YOUR KID HAS GREEN EYES. NOW LET GO OF THE FREAKING SHARPENING TOOL POR FAVOR!” You see how upset I get? I have to throw down all my bilingual polite requests. OH DE NADA!

And the heat has been bugging me, even though I grew up on a tropical island and have dealt with temperatures far more intense and included humidty so high I might as well have been *in* the water. I’m such a whiny pansy now. Mike’s car doesn’t have tinted windows and neither does mine, which is so different from growing up on Saipan, where everyone pretty much has their cars wrapped in limo tint. When I first got here to Seattle and was in an untinted car, I thought, “WOW! EVERYONE CAN SEE ME!”

While I have been trying to cool off without the aid of air conditioning (which I call air con, none of this AC nonsense) by taking ice cold baths, eating mango sorbet and listening to Vanilla Ice, Snow, and LL Cool James (he would get a lot further in his career if he changed his name to Ladies Love 63 Degree and Slightly Cloudy Weather James), I have a compiled a quick list of things which do not suck at all:

1. Our Speech Therapist: Nathan had his first full appointment yesterday which Mike sat in on. This woman is a miracle worker, not saying that Nathan is like Helen Keller, (And FYI, if you ever want to know how my brain works, watch Ellen DeGeneres impersonating Jodie Foster in the movie NELL. THIS IS ME!) but she has an infinite amount of patience. After about thirty minutes of structured play and exercises with Nathan, she sent us an email afterward, detailing that he has trouble with certain speech production and has ‘motor maps’ for certain productions like ‘please’ so he’s using a few words for many concepts. I feel like finally someone understands what is going on, someone who knows what to do and isn’t judging us because I watched Reservoir Dogs while Nathan was in utero. And Sopranos. And George Carlin.

2. My winnings: I won THREE toys out of those coin-operated claw games that you spend five dollars in quarters to get a thirty-cent stuffed animal. And I won three toys! It was so exciting because Nathan kept yelling, “TOYS! TOYS!” This was the first time that I figured out how to choose stuffed animals that were on its side and not too squished by other toys so the claw would clamp onto the body of the toy, not the neck or any of the appendages and huzzah! It worked! Awww yeah, who has two thumbs and is one notch above Stephen Hawkings? This sister!

3. Indian food: A few months ago I tried butter chicken for the first time at the Whole Foods hot lunch bar and it was so delicious, it felt like a party explosion in my mouth! That’s what she said! Before being asked to leave Whole Foods! I have formed an addiction to the spicy, saucy and savory dishes and I cannot. get. enough. I took Mike to an Indian restaurant hoping that maybe we could be the Indian food hopping power couple and after he had a plate of chicken tikka masala, samosas and dal, he said, “This food is perfect…for you to eat with someone else!” His aversion to this wonderful cuisine doesn’t stop me from thinking when I’ll get my next fill of butter chicken. And now I know what Dave Lister was talking about all this time, I get it. If I were stuck on a space ship with a hologram and a cat-man, I would want to eat chicken vindaloo all the time, too.

4. Trader Joes: Trader Joe’s has been this mythical store which I’ve heard a lot about but have never ventured into because I never knew what to buy. When I heard that they had *frozen* butter chicken, I was sold. I didn’t have to make the food myself but I could still incorporate my favorite cooking method: pull it out of the microwave half-way and stir. And they have tons of microwavable Indian food at reasonable prices and other goodies and they always give my son stickers on our way out, because that’s the way to my heart: giving free stuff for my kid.

How’s the weather where you are? If it’s hot, how are you cooling off? And if it’s perfectly cool and breezy, don’t tell me about it. Let’s talk about something else, indian food perhaps?

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  1. It’s hot as a mofo here. And humid. I stay cool by rubbing myself with bags of frozen butter chicken from Trader Joe’s.

    And if I were in Seattle, I’d go out for Indian food WHENEVER YOU WANT because my husband also hates it.

    This is perhaps my most incoherent comment ever, and I apologize. I’m so tired I can’t see straight.

    • Rubbing myself with bags of icy cold butter chicken sounds great. And you wan to know how tired I am? I almost wrote rubber chicken, which I would still totally do if it cooled me off.

  2. Shirley Eugist says:

    There are lots of awesome indian food carts in Portland! The most famous is Indian Chaat House (, although Real Taste of India is also very good. And can you believe, those aren’t the only options!

    We will have to go have indian food when you are here next time. Or I can make you some myself! I make a mean mujadara and naan. : )

  3. I was about to leave a comment about the wonder of the frozen butter chicken from TJs- then saw that you’ve discovered it. It’s fabulous. The package says 1.5 servings, and I always eat it all. Whatever šŸ™‚

  4. I use actions on my photos. 2 specific ones. J says it gives them a glow and, depending on the setting, it can be a bit much. I try to contain myself, though.

    The overdose photo makes your sweet baby boy look almost ghostly. BOO!

  5. I wish I knew how to use photoshop. I am so jealous of people who know how to use it well. I tried to teach myself but no luck.

    Also, Trader Joes has this AWESOME frozen pizza/tart thing. It’s ham, carmalized onions and guryere (sp?) cheese. It’s on a super thin crust that isn’t pizza dough. I am not a fan of ham but I <3 this thing sooooooooo much. I could eat it almost everyday. I won’t go on about all the other stuff I love at Trade Joes because I would be typing for a week. šŸ™‚

  6. I had never eaten Indian food until I moved to Japan (I had never eaten a lot of things before I came here to the land of weird food) and I quickly developed a great love for it. There are two unbelieveably good Indidan restaurants within 10 minutes of our base and it makes me really happy to go out for Indian food and a wonderful naan. One of our restaurants has cheesy garlic naan, which is like heaven… mmmm.

    And it’s rainy in Tokyo. Rainy season supposedly came early because it rained every day from the middle of May to the middle of July, but after a week and a half of 90 degree weather we’re back to rain. I love rainy weather, but it’s nice to have clear skies over the Japanese Alps every once in awhile!

  7. Mona…

    I’m sitting at work right now and upper management has decided it would be a good idea to set the A/C to 80 degrees after they leave at 5pm. ( I work 2nd shift btw). I would challenge the guy across from me to a “back sweat contest” (first one with a bead to hit your hit your butt-crack wins) but alas…. he weighs a good 280lbs and would surely win.

    … and where there’s sweat… there are mosquitoes. LOTS of mosquitoes!!! Why my full-figured-friend has yet to account for one bite is beyond me. I on the other hand have become some sort of a host family for this small swarm that has apparently taken refuge somewhere close to my desk.

    It’s not all doom an gloom though… I start my new job in Aug so I only have to put up with this for another week. In the meantime… can you check an see if rubbing yourself down with frozen butter chicken will double as an insect repellent?

    Muchas Gracias

  8. ha ha ha ha!!!! you should see what my students do to their nature/whitewater photos…..guys, NO ONE is going to believe it was that sunny and colorful out, because the water looks ultraviolet. Let’s just let pretty nature be for now!

  9. I don’t even *know* how to photoshop. But if I did…I would not do that!

  10. Ever since this popped into my reader, I’ve had that song stuck in my head. Or rather, just the chorus. Thanks for that.

    It’s crappy here. Hot and muggy and ready to storm severely at any given minute. Even though it’s sunny enough to warrant “Can we go swimming?” attacks. (Don’t they realize that it’s not as fun – or cool – for me to walk the dog while they swim? What’s that? They don’t care? Oh. Right.)

    I have a friend who photoshops the HELL out of all of her pictures – they come out different colors. And here I am with a perpetual chin zit and NO photoshop.

  11. Yum, butter chicken! I need to get to Trader Joe’s.

  12. So… hot…

    Just was updating my podcasts on itunes and went to the KUOW list and saw that there’s one about your hubby! looking forward to listening to it!

  13. I just ate Indian food which did not help cool me off in this horrific heat wave.

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