The risk of announcing my pregnancy is that this will become ALL ABOUT THE BABY, and while I do intend on sharing what will happen in the next few months, there are still other non-baby related goings-on in case you’re not interested in how I satisfied my food cravings by getting down with the get down at the Chinese buffet.
1. The other week, Mike did something to the blinds in our upstairs bedroom and now they won’t lower flush with the window and so it leaves about a four-inch gap. I wouldn’t mind other than that this four-inch-gap falls right at my crotch level, meaning, anyone on the street can just look up and HELLO PEEPSHOW! It’s become uncomfortable because I have to change in my closet and I do not have to live like this! Mike doesn’t care, he walks around in his boxers while I yell, “THIS IS WHY I CAN’T TALK TO THE NEIGHBORS!” I guess I could start charging money for the entertainment, that way we could pay to fix whatever is wrong with the blinds and I will bring in so much money from people who just will pay me lots of cash to please stop.
2. There are bees on the side of our house. They have built a nest in the rock crevice and when they’re not in their bee cave, they’re stinging my husband or buzzing around my son as we walk outside. My husband has filled in the rocks with dirt, sprayed over the area multiple times with bee killer, and still, they’re there. They return, zipping around like, “WHAT NOW SUCKAS?” I would punch them in their face if I were more coordinated and I knew how to punch and IF THEY WOULD JUST STAY STILL!
3. Sometimes I mispronounce words when speaking to my husband and every time I hope he doesn’t notice, but he never fails to call me out and repeat the bumbling job of the English language. This weekend, I was putting clothes away when I found his socks mixed in with mine. I handed them to him and said, “Here are your shoes.” I knew what I said, but I channeled Lady Gaga with my puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-poker face, pretending that nothing happened.
Still, my husband paused, looked at what was clearly NOT SHOES in his hand and said, “What did you say?”
So, how’s your week going?