This is the first year Nathan actually requested to wear his costume, unlike Halloweens of yore when I’ve been like, CAN YOU JUST DO THIS FOR ME, CHILD? while I force him into a chicken getup. I cannot tell you how my heart exploded watching my son stomp around the house pretending to be this mythical creature. I know I only have a few more years before he’ll protest this system and beg to be something more realistic for Halloween, like a zombie because you know those are real. You know what’s real? My undying love for you! And boobs that sag down to my knees because *someone* wanted to be breastfed until the age of sixteen! (That rhymes, yo! Next career move? A rap album by me, MC Leche!)
This Halloween, we took our little dragon out to a traditional trick-or-treating around my friend’s neighborhood. It took a while for Nathan to get the concept that people give you candy! For free! But once he saw other kids fill up their bags with candy (!), he was committed. It’s like when you realize that you don’t have to buy the products they’re sampling at Costco, so you drop the act like you’re really considering purchasing the bag of sausage when you just want want toothpicked deliciousness because you’re so out of shape that you can’t get from the freezer section back to the cash register without some sustenance. Nathan looked at me and then down at his candy sack like, “THIS IS LIFE CHANGING, WOMAN! LIFE! CHANGING!”
We ushered him to the doors of other people’s homes, only, he didn’t knock and yell, “Trick or treat!”
He turned the knob and walked in.
He did this at a few homes of unsuspecting strangers who kindly welcomed a mini-dragon who wasn’t so much fishing for candy as he was casing the joint. There was a lot of room in that costume for silver candlesticks and credit card statements. And if he had the verbal acuity, he would have questioned the bearers of cheap candy who passed out dums dums while they clearly could afford that new entertainment system and shiny car parked outside. I know I was asking those questions as I rifled through his goods after he had gone to sleep, tossing out crumpled bags of Sweet Tarts because really, who eats those?