On Saturday, I drove three hours from Seattle to Portland and I didn’t pee once. I was afraid of being late for dinner to meet the indomitable Angella, a woman whom I have been waiting YEARS to finally full body sister friend hug. I wanted a medal for making that long haul drive, but there are some problems with that idea. Like that’s the stupidest medal ever and I’m sure it would be shaped like a bladder or a toilet with a big X through it. Perfect to display next to my college diploma!
Anyway, I finally made it to Portland and was immediately treated to unfamiliar acts of human kindness, like people looking at me in the eye and saying, “Hi!” Or being nice to me and opening doors, smiling politely and making me think that someone was distracting me while I was being jacked by an accomplice. I’m not used to that! It’s not that Seattle isn’t nice, it’s just that usually if someone is smiling at me, I have something in my teeth or I’m about to be mugged. Or most likely there’s someone behind me that is the real recipient of the public display of Hey Girl!
When I made it to the restaurant, I squealed because I recognized Angella right away. First, her hair is like a magical halo of curls. It’s awesome. And she’s TALL. In fact, everyone at the dinner was super Amazonian compared to me. I mean, I think I’m average height and then all of a sudden I’m at breast level. I also met Jen, who I have also been reading for years, and she had to hunch over to hug me. The rest of the night was super fantastic. After eating cajun food, we moved over to a hip bar where there was skeeball! And iphone users! And free diet cokes for the pregnant woman!
I had planned to drive back, like some crazy long haul trucker because I do things like that, despite it being EXTREMELY STUPID. It’s like I love a challenge, but only if it’s a stupid one like driving six hours in one day while being almost six months pregnant and having no real idea on how to fix a flat tire or do anything other than turn the music up when something is knocking around in the engine.
Luckily, Angella invited me back to the hotel room she shared with Jen and Kerri. They accepted me even with my headgear and CPAP machine. I laughed so hard with these ladies. I’m funny when I have delete key around, but these women are IN REAL LIFE PEE IN YOUR PANTS funny. I was glad that I was in a really sweet room discussing important steps to take after you’ve been found dead in a hotel closet, specifically who would delete the cookies from your computer. It sure beat driving alone singing about apple bottom jeans and the boots with the fur (with the ferrr!).
Then in the morning I left before they had gotten up and about an hour into my drive, I realized that I LEFT MY PURSE. THE ONE WITH THE MONEY! AND IDENTIFICATION! I thought it would be nice to stop over and fill up the gas tank since I was using my husband’s car, I reached into my bag and then suffered a Lady Gaga Where-Are-My-Keys-I Lost-My-Phone type of moment. I panicked because on the two hours I had left driving, I would likely be pulled over, asked for ID and insurance and then promptly tased because I won’t be taken in, coppers! I have priors! Jen saved me when she returned on her train, my purse in hand. Thanks Jen!
I had enough good memories filled from those hours to carry me through this week and the next and the one after that. Even though I’ve tried to share a lot of what was said to my husband, I keep falling short and instead offering, “You had to have been there.” Because when people are even more awesome in person than they are online, it’s really, really true.