40 weeks

At today’s appointment, I told the nurse, if I don’t have a baby, can I at least have a diaper bag or any other free sample. At 40 weeks, I don’t have any shame. And I need a prize.

At 40 weeks, my tiny cervix is “unfavorable,” like not enough people voted for it on American Idol and Simon Cowell’s still harping over my cervix’s botched cover of The Rolling Stones’ “Beast of Burden.” Sorry, America, it’s a cervix, not a soprano.

So we will wait. I have another appointment next week. And after that we’ll talk about induction, hopefully in labor and delivery and not the Hall of Women Who Are Pregnant Forever.

I’m jealous of the women who make it through pregnancy with their skin stretch-mark free, their nipples translucent strawberry pink, not like mine–the black saucered eyes of a bush baby. Their armpits also a milky color whereas mine look like dark brown leather elbow patches on a professor’s tweed jacket. Your lives must be nice! You must always find parking! Your hair must always be shiny! Your only complaint is that your postpartum breasts are so mammoth, you have to wear a “large,” which has never happened to you before!

And how can my cervix be unfavorable?!? I’m sure lots of people would favor my cervix over say, running a marathon while holding Gene Shalit’s hairy nutsack. What do you think of my cervix now?!?!

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Comments

  1. I’d take your cervix over my day today. So in that way, it’s TOTALLY favorable. I’ll even text my vote to 4-d-weeks 🙂

  2. I TOTALLY favor your cervix over,

    1. running a marathon
    2. stepping on a nail
    3. ANY type of surgery
    4. going to work
    5. picking up dog poop.

    See! Your cervix is actually QUITE favorable.

  3. I can’t believe it’s been 40 weeks already. You may feel differently. I hope your cervix becomes favorable soon.

  4. if it makes you feel any better, my cervix is “tilted” or something and the docs have told me that pregnancy will probably be extra uncomfortable for me! Another reason for me not to have kids.

  5. I’m sure your cervix is delightful. The belle of the Cervix Ball. Your cervix is the best, better than all the rest. It’s Number One, and so forth.
    I favor it over being at work today, for sure…

  6. I swear being pregnant AFTER your due date has come and gone is so….*sigh* frustrating. I hope you don’t have too much longer to wait…

  7. I distinctly recall my husband, when getting our son’s room ready before he was born, asking: “Hey, I’m really tired of sanding….would you mind running your armpits over this baseboard?” Anyone who says pregnancy is beautiful obviously lclearly has never been, and ives in fantasyland. Good luck!

  8. Aww..its favorable time will come before you know it! Hang in there!

  9. I feel your pain. I went 4 days late (it feels like an eternity though) and just had her last Saturday. Thankfully I went into labor without any help. The thing about the boobs though, try having them so big that you can’t even fit into the biggest size nursing bra at Target; sometimes bigger isn’t better!

  10. Mona…you are a breath of fresh air. Have I said that before? If so, well, then you are another breath of fresh air.

  11. I can’t believe you weren’t blogging during the birth! I mean, you did have the baby right? Maybe you were twitter – ing. Since I don’t go there, I obviously missed the party. I hope everything went smoothly and you have a new squishy boy to love. 🙂

    Anne

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