net flux

nothing but net

nothing but net

Yes that is a graham cracker covering my address. I didn’t have any writing utensils handy, but I did have carbohydrates available to photograph the most important discovery of my whole 27 years of life: NETFLIX! I can’t believe I hadn’t signed up for this before, this magical gem of technology. I had previously fallen in mad love with the Redbox kiosk in front of the nearby 7-11, the one that dispenses movies I’m too embarrassed to rent in public–namely, the documentary about girls who run while eating chicken and yelling that no one loves them: Precious.

The biggest downside about Redbox is that it requires so much of me to use it. It’s so tiring to extract myself from the sweet confines of my couch, get into my car, drive one block to 7-11, go into the 7-11 to get a Cherry slurpee, get back into my car, drive home, drive back to 7-11 because I forgot what I was there to do, go back inside and break a $20 by buying a lottery ticket, pretend I didn’t see the cashier’s annoying look of superiority like he’s never had a dollar and a dream at the same time, go outside and stand behind some idiot who has to scan each and every page even though all the movies came out in 2008 and then I scan all the pages like that idiot because I am a follower, not a leader and I finally choose a movie, get the disc and return home. So tiring!

Now the movies come to me and what’s even better is the instant watching feature which does just that, allows me to watch movies instantly. I like that it’s very truthful. I was on the bus the other day and this woman was reading, “The Secret to Instant Healing,” which was surprisingly a very thick book. Wouldn’t something that had “instant” in its title be more like a pamphlet with just a few sentences like, “Don’t run into traffic,” and “When commuting between your couch and the fridge, try jogging, Tubby.”

With the instant feature, it’s like someone went into my brain and figured out what I need: to watch even more TV while exerting even less energy. It reminded me how I heard this engineer say once, “Everything that has been made by man has been touched by an engineer.” That’s true. In college I went to my friend’s apartment and found that his engineering roommates had rigged several black garbage bags and tape and turned it into a “pot tent” that hung from the ceiling. Not only did they get high under that plastic sagging tarp, but it also hid things like the sign they jacked from some homeless guy. So I guess it depends on what type of engineer is working on your product. Nerdy engineers who know that I love to watch 30 Rock, Kids in the Hall, Mystery Science Theater 3000 and everything on Comedy Central work on Netflix. Ganja loving engineers try to figure out to increase their level of stonedness using household materials and petty theft.

However, I never went to engineering fancypants school, I have only attended Hempfest and learned this sage piece of advice from a bumper sticker peddler: If you smoke pot after you’re high, you don’t get more high, you only have less pot. Don’t do drugs, kids!

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  1. Oh my God Mona. The first thing I thought when I saw that picture was- what is covering your address?!? And then you answered it int he first sentence.

    Netflix FTW!


  2. like he’s never had a dollar and a dream at the same time

    HAHAHHA. Yes.

    I love Netflix for all the TV shows I was too late to see when they aired originally, like How I Met Your Mother and Party Down.

  3. I know–it’s so awesome! I just wish they would make all of their DVDs available instantly.

  4. I LOOOOOOVE netflix. Love. I’ve had my subscription for years (another reason they are awesome: they let you just suspend your account instead of closing it if you don’t want to pay for it for a few months). Less than $10 a month and I don’t need cable. We “watch instantly” on the xbox hooked up to our bedroom TV – my brother in law does the same in his room – and we have the Wii set up with it for the kids downstairs. My daughter got to see The BSC Movie thanks to netflix.

    In short, also I love netflix. 🙂

  5. You JUST found Netflix! Oh welcome to some serious time suckage.

    Even better, if you sign up for the home theater disk thing (either to play on an Xbox or a Wii) you pop this ten dollar cd in, and then it accesses your instant play listing through the Wii and it delivers it right to your tv. No more watching Law & Order SVU on your computer, it is now suddenly ON YOUR TV!

    Excuse me I need to take care of this raging hard on I have for Netflix.

  6. Is it sad that I know that Amanda is talking about the babysitter’s club movie, and that now that I know it is on instant viewing, I just might have to watch that on my wii today?

    Welcome to the new world order, where you never ever have to leave your house. Next up, ordering groceries online!

  7. I KNOW!

    My three favorite inventions:
    1. the fork
    2. pillows
    3. Netflix

    Whatever, antibiotics and nuclear energy, go woo someone who cares!

  8. I’m still laughing at Redbox. The only Redbox I knew of is the bar and Karaoke lounge at the Saipan World Resort.

  9. But at least we know who to hit up for snacks when we get the munchies… (thanks!)

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