Yes that is a graham cracker covering my address. I didn’t have any writing utensils handy, but I did have carbohydrates available to photograph the most important discovery of my whole 27 years of life: NETFLIX! I can’t believe I hadn’t signed up for this before, this magical gem of technology. I had previously fallen in mad love with the Redbox kiosk in front of the nearby 7-11, the one that dispenses movies I’m too embarrassed to rent in public–namely, the documentary about girls who run while eating chicken and yelling that no one loves them: Precious.
The biggest downside about Redbox is that it requires so much of me to use it. It’s so tiring to extract myself from the sweet confines of my couch, get into my car, drive one block to 7-11, go into the 7-11 to get a Cherry slurpee, get back into my car, drive home, drive back to 7-11 because I forgot what I was there to do, go back inside and break a $20 by buying a lottery ticket, pretend I didn’t see the cashier’s annoying look of superiority like he’s never had a dollar and a dream at the same time, go outside and stand behind some idiot who has to scan each and every page even though all the movies came out in 2008 and then I scan all the pages like that idiot because I am a follower, not a leader and I finally choose a movie, get the disc and return home. So tiring!
Now the movies come to me and what’s even better is the instant watching feature which does just that, allows me to watch movies instantly. I like that it’s very truthful. I was on the bus the other day and this woman was reading, “The Secret to Instant Healing,” which was surprisingly a very thick book. Wouldn’t something that had “instant” in its title be more like a pamphlet with just a few sentences like, “Don’t run into traffic,” and “When commuting between your couch and the fridge, try jogging, Tubby.”
With the instant feature, it’s like someone went into my brain and figured out what I need: to watch even more TV while exerting even less energy. It reminded me how I heard this engineer say once, “Everything that has been made by man has been touched by an engineer.” That’s true. In college I went to my friend’s apartment and found that his engineering roommates had rigged several black garbage bags and tape and turned it into a “pot tent” that hung from the ceiling. Not only did they get high under that plastic sagging tarp, but it also hid things like the sign they jacked from some homeless guy. So I guess it depends on what type of engineer is working on your product. Nerdy engineers who know that I love to watch 30 Rock, Kids in the Hall, Mystery Science Theater 3000 and everything on Comedy Central work on Netflix. Ganja loving engineers try to figure out to increase their level of stonedness using household materials and petty theft.
However, I never went to engineering fancypants school, I have only attended Hempfest and learned this sage piece of advice from a bumper sticker peddler: If you smoke pot after you’re high, you don’t get more high, you only have less pot. Don’t do drugs, kids!